


But I'm A Football Player

by fairy911911



Series: Football!verse [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU: But I'm a Cheerleader, Castiel is being an asshole, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Football Player Dean, Gay Conversion Camp, Homophobic Language, M/M, Minor Benny Lafitte/Garth Fitzgerald IV, Minor Charlie Bradbury/Jo Harvelle, Minor Meg/Lilith, transphobic language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-13
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-17 06:03:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 32,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2299136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairy911911/pseuds/fairy911911
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's life would appear to be perfect: he's popular, a football player, and has a beautiful cheerleader girlfriend. But his world turns upside down when his parents, fearing his sexuality, send him to True Directions: a re-orientation camp. But the camp's goals backfire when Dean and the rest of the campers turn the place upside down.</p><p>Updates every Saturday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Signs

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on the 2000 film, "But I'm a Cheerleader," written by Jamie Babbit and Bryan Wayne Peterson and directed by Jamie Babbit. Most of the dialogue is taken from the movie, and those belong to these fabulous people, not me. (But you all should really go see the movie. It's a queer satire and starts Natasha Lyonnne, Clea Duvall, Cathy Moriarty, Dante Basco, and Rupaul.)
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: They go to gay conversion camp. There is heavy homophobic and transphobic language used. That language does not reflect my personal views, but the view of the characters and what they were taught. I don't want to trigger anyone, so I'm restating right here.
> 
> Once again, I do not own Supernatural, But I'm a Cheerleader, the characters, or the majority of the dialogue, just the way I arranged them on the page.

Practice was long and hot. Coach had been pushing them for the past hour. Every player was on the brink of exhaustion. But adrenaline was fighting back, forcing them to keep running, keep tackling, keep winning.

Dean’s heart was pounding as he sped across the field. Behind him a crowd of his teammates, all ready to force him to the ground. Just the way he liked practice. Somewhere beside him the girls were rehearsing their cheers for the big game, loud and high, most likely full of twists and turns as to show off their panties to the passing players. They barely registered in his mind. He was only focused on the end zone.

30 yards. 20 yards. 15 yards.

A solid weight crashed on top of him, pushing him into the ground. The weight was spread flush, covering the entirety of his back, legs, and ass. The football, knocked out of his hands, bounced harmlessly to the side.

Dean shoved his head into the turf. He was so close. He could have made it.

The mysterious weight pushed off of him. He twisted around to try to look the offender in the eyes. Although he had to squint in the sun, he could easily see Victor’s smug grin.

“Next time, Winchester, just pass it to someone.”

He held out his hand, which Dean graciously took. “Where’s the fun in that, Hendrickson?”

Victor just shook his head and went back to the rest of the Fremont team. Dean’s eyes couldn’t help but follow the curve of his back, down below his ass, as he walked away. He quickly shook it off, and hustled over to the group.

“Alright,” Victor called, using his commanding captain voice. “Every, make sure you all bring your uniforms home with you tomorrow after classes, cause the bus for the playoffs leaves the next morning at 7:30 am.” There was a collective groan from the team. “What if I tell you that the Doughnut Hole has agreed to donate 4 dozen doughnuts?"

Cheers and hoots exploded from the group, which Victor could only roll his eyes at.

“Come on guys,” Dean piped up. “Let’s remember what’s really important. Killing the Rangers this year!”

The team exploded with cries for victory and revenge on the rival team. Even Victor cracked a smile at the antics. Dean glanced over to the cheerleaders, who were also just finishing up. He excused himself and headed over to head cheerleader Lisa Braeden, his girlfriend.

He tapped her on the shoulder, prompting a surprise squeak and eventual peck on the lips. “I’m so glad you’re here,” she said. “Can you help me get my pom poms to the car?”

Dean nodded, picking them up and letting Lisa lead the way, like the gentleman he was. They crossed the emptying field, the turf crunching under their feet.

“I can’t believe you’re leaving,” she sighed.

He gave her a warm smile. “It’s only a few hours before you go.”

“Yeah, right.” She muttered. “Right.”

Dean turned to face her. “Aren’t you excited? It’s the playoffs.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

Lisa opened his car door and dropped inside the passenger seat without another word. Dean didn’t get it. The playoffs were always a ton of fun: a bunch of different teams all tackling each other to win the championship. Why wouldn’t that be amazing?

He go into the driver’s seat and was instantly pulled on to Lisa’s mouth. Her tongue plunged inside his mouth, swirling along every crevice it could find. Her eyes were closed; obscene moans were escaping.

Dean just kept his eyes open and took it. He didn’t really feel anything when Lisa kissed him, but that’s she wanted so he would happily let her.

She brought her hand up to the back of his head, pulling at the short hairs by his neck. He tried to mimic the movement, although he was sure it was obviously more stilted and awkward. He slowly moved his tongue against her dominating one, trying to make it more enjoyable for her.

His eyes fell on the steering wheel, the car mirror, really anywhere but on Lisa’s face. Dean could feel his eyes wandering from the boredom, focusing on the day’s practice. Images flooded his mind: of his teammate’s broad shoulders and the uniforms stretching over them. Their strained crotches covered in thin tights leaving nothing to the imagination. Teenage boys running, their asses bouncing slightly from the movement. He let out a tiny moan.

Pulled back from Lisa with a forced smile. It never felt right with her; maybe everyone’s first girlfriend was like that.

She just pouted at his actions. “Oh come on, baby.”

“I have to get home for dinner.” He wiped away the tremendous amount of Lisa spit on his face with the back of his hand.

He looked up to see Lisa’s puppy dogs eyes. “Please,” she whined.

He breathed out and gave her a hint of a smile. “Well,” Lisa stared right into his eyes. “Alright.”

She grinned and dived back in, tongue first. His mind wandered again as his mouth was under attack. The players’ skin glistening with sweat, the muscles rippling underneath. The flying of sweat droplets when one would take their helmet off and shake their wet hair.

He could put up with a few more minutes of this.

\----------

The dinner his mom made smelled amazing: steak, mashed potatoes, and vegetables. His mom was a fantastic cook and he always enjoyed her meals. Surrounding the Winchester’s cramped dining room was the murmur of family life.

“That’s some beef.”

“And carrots.”

“Yummy.”

“Thanks mom.”

Finally the family of four was all situated: parents John and Mary at the head of the table with Dean and his younger brother Sam on either side. The Winchesters lowered their heads and grasped hands for grace, an act Dean had simply become adjust to performing.

As normal John lead it off. “Dear lord, please bless this food we are about to eat, and we thank you for the abundance that you have provided. Please help us to follow your path, the one you intended us all to follow. And lord,” his father paused for a moment, “please help us to obey the rules in life you set for us.”

Dean opened his eyes to see his father’s eyes locked right on him. “For all that is natural, and,” John paused again,” healthy ... and sacred.” His father looked up at the ceiling, as if God was perched on their chandelier. “In your name we pray. Amen.”

Dean and the rest of his family repeated the amen and dug into the meal. He pushed his father’s weird behavior out of his mind. Playoffs were in less than 48 hours. He couldn’t afford to be distracted.

\----------

Mary couldn’t help but notice how refreshed Dean looked the next morning. Blissfully unaware of what would soon be upon him. He rushed down the stairs, grabbing a hot slice of toast off the plate Mary held out for him. He kissed her on the cheek, saying his regular morning goodbyes.

“See you later, Sweetie,” she replied, doing her best to muster the confidence that was expected of her.

Dean grabbed Sam, who was in the middle of a bite of cereal and gave an indignant huff to the forceful contact. “Come on, we’re going to be late,” he stated. Sam rolled his eyes and grumbled, but nonetheless followed Dean.

“Don’t forget your library books by the door,” Mary called after the boys. Dean gave her a salute, picked up the pile of books, and exited the house.

With the audible click of the front door John threw down the paper he had been attempting to read and turned to his wife. “So, are we ready?”

“They’ll be here at 3:00.” She signed, steadying herself by leaning on the kitchen counter. “Jesus, I hope we’re doing the right thing.”

\----------

Victor could see Dean run down the hallway just as the warning bell rang through the building. Practically late, as always. He came up to two other players on the team, Harry and Ed, interrupting their conversation on the latest TV shows.

He wrapped his arms around their shoulders, oblivious to the duo’s uncomfortable faces. “Shaker Hill, here we come.” The turned out of Dean’s grasps and made their way in the opposite direction. “And remember,” he called after them, “7:30’s doughnuts.”

Victor shook his head at the boy’s actions and turned back to his conversation with Lisa.

“Did you talk to his parents?” she asked.

Victor was about to respond when he noticed Dean only a few feet away. “He’s here,” he whispered.”

Dean came up behind Lisa and wrapped an arm around her waist. “Hey, how’s everyone doing?”

He bent down to kiss Lisa on the cheek. She in turn moved to capture his mouth with her open one. He let her tongue engulf him, wide eyed and slacked jawed. As she pulled away Lisa rubbed his letterman jacket. “Meet you outside,” she said quietly. Victor could hear to tinge of disappointment, but he was sure it was lost on Dean.

As Lisa walked away Dean wiped away the spit from his mouth and opened his locker. Being next to his, Victor could easily see the inside, decorated with magazine cut outs of the very male sStar Trek cast and Nathan Fillion. It was so different from victor’s own, which was decked out with hot models and football quotes.

“Don’t you hate it when they do that?”

Dean’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. Did he mean kissing?

“I think it’s fun,” he offered with a smirk, grabbing his books from his locker.

Dean gave a small shrug. “Maybe she’s not doing it right.”

Victor didn’t quite doubt it - Lisa’s kisses were a little too much. But that clearly wasn’t the only problem.

Dean grabbed his books for class and shut his locker with a loud thud. “See ya,” he huffed out as he headed to homeroom.

“Bye,” Victor shot back. As soon as he saw Dean turn the corner, he opened Dean’s locker, the combination previously memorized from the numerous times Dean had begged him to grab something out of it. Victor glared at the spread of Chris Pine from some fashion magazine, see-through shirt and pants riding low on his hips. He ripped the thing from the door and stuffed it in his notebook. It would be useful this afternoon.


	2. Intervention

Dean was starting to have second thoughts about letting Lisa drive the impala. She had come up to him at lunch, asking if she could drive them home this afternoon. She was taking her driving test soon and needed the practice.

He wasn’t too keen on anyone driving his baby save himself, but Lisa had shot him her big puppy dog eyes and he begrudgingly handed the keys over after school.

In hindsight this was a horrible mistake. She was going three miles an hour, tops. Maybe even two. The car behind them emitted a series of seething honks before pulling around and flipping them off. The guy strolling down the sidewalk was passing them.

“Um, Lisa,” he started slowly, not wanting her to flip out on him for backseat driving, “why are we going so slow?”

She gave a nervous smile. “Sorry,” she said. “Still trying to get used to this.”

The car sped up to maybe five miles an hour. Dean’s head hit the back of his seat in frustration. It was going to be a long ride home.

\----------

Mary and John were standing outside their home, anxiously waiting for the van to arrive. It was supposed to have been here twenty minutes ago.

Mary saw a bright pink Van pull up just down the street. It was hard to make it out in the distance, but it seemed to carry the signature logo of the program, complete with white male and female figures surrounded by a blue circular arrow.

The driver’s door opened, and a tall woman stepped out. She flipped back her long blonde hair and smoothed the pink ‘straight is great’ tee shirt she was sporting.

Mary turned to John, who she was clutching desperately, trying to gauge his reaction. He seemed pleased with the woman as she approached, even opened his arms out to shake her hands.

“Lilith,” he greeted, “thanks so much for coming all the way back out here again.”

“Well, that’s what we’re here for,” she replied, giving the Winchester’s her most comforting smile. Her voice was low and soothing.

“Thank you, Lilith,” Mary offered, shaking the woman’s hands as well.

“Now you’ve watched the video?” she asked.

“Over and over.” Mary suddenly remembered her manners and stepped back to gesture to the door. “Come in.”

The trio came into the living room, where Sam, Victor, and a couple other of Dean’s teammates had gathered. They all were fidgeting on the couch, clearly unable to be comfortable in this situation. Mary couldn’t blame them.

Lilith pulled a stack of brochures out of purse, each displaying the True Direction’s logo and a yellow upside down triangle marked ‘WARNING SIGNS.’ She began passing them out to the group.

“The important thing is to be clear and direct, but to do it lovingly.” Lilith stressed each word as if she were giving a sermon of god’s wisdom in a church. “We’re not accusing, we’re supporting.”

The familiar rumble of the impala caught Mary’s attention. “I think I hear the car,” she announced to the group. She ran over to the window and peeked through the curtains. Lisa was stepping out of the car and handing the keys back over to Dean, who was leaning against the side.

“Here they come,” she muttered. She turned back to see everyone ready in their positions and she moved to join them. They were at battle stations.

\----------

Dean opened the door of his house to see his friends and family starring back at him, looking apologetic or ashamed or even disappointed. Sam, Victor, Ed, Harry; they were all there, holding folded pieces of paper. His mom had a whole pie in her arms, offering it out to him. Next to them was an unfamiliar woman decked out in pink, a whistle around her neck.

“Surprise,” Victor lamely stated.

Dean couldn’t do anything, but stare incredulously at the group. “What happened? Is somebody dead?”

Instead of answering, his mom came up to him and extended her arms, offering him the pie. “It’s your favorite,” she smiled. But it was forced and frightened him slightly. “Now, why don’t you just come on in and sit down, honey?”

Dean refused to move, even though his whole being was screaming at him to _leave_. “What’s going on?” he demanded.

“Hi Dean,” the woman in pink piped up, offering him her hand. “My name is Lilith. Your parents and your friends,” she gestured to the rest of the group with a nod of her head, “want to have a conversation with you. I’m here to help facilitate that dialogue. So why don’t we start by sitting down and making ourselves comfortable?”

She pointed for him to sit in one of the kitchen chairs, brought out in front of the fireplace so it alone could face the couches and recliners filled with the people he knew. He looked back at Lisa, but she had slipped past him and joined the others, refusing to look at his face.

He didn’t see how to get out of whatever this was, so he begrudgingly took the seat. Everyone else sat down as well and stared at him, studying him as if he were type of science experiment.

“Now, Mary,” Lilith began, “would you like to start the conversation?”

His mom gave a small smile and stood up. She took a long breath to steady herself. “Dean, we love you.” She glanced to the others in the room. “We all love you. And lately, we’ve become concerned about certain...” He furrowed his eyes in confusion and she trailed off, looking to her husband for help. “Behaviors,” she finally stuttered out, meeting his gaze again. “We’re afraid you’re being influenced by a... way of thinking. An unnatural... Do you remember the man on TV-”?

His dad cut her off. “Dean we think you’re _gay_.” He spat out the last word through his clenched teeth, the sound barely making it to Dean’s hears. But when it did he couldn’t process it. It was like he was frozen. He tried blinking a few times to see if it would help, but disbelief, shock, and anger bubbled through Dean. Him? Gay? _What?_

Lilith leaned over to pat him on the knee. “I, myself, was once a gay,” she offered. “Now I’m an ex-gay, Dean. I work for a place called True Directions who help people like yourself learn to understand the reasons behind homosexual tendencies. And how to heal them.”

The entire time Lilith was giving this ridiculous speech a mask of sincerity remained plastered on her face, her words dripping out like syrup. But what she was talking about had nothing to do with him.

“What tendencies?” he exclaimed. “Why the hell would you think I’m a-”?

His dad cut him off by standing and presenting a can of hairspray and bottle of scented hair gel. “You’ve been using these in your hair every morning.”

Lilith came to explain. “In grooming, watch for a switch to feminine hair and beauty products.”

Victor stood next, holding up the picture of Chris Pine from his locker, contained in a gallon sized plastic bag like it was evidence for a case. How did he even get the picture?

“You don’t have any pictures of girls in your locker, just stuff like this.”

Beside him, Lilith crossed her arms and smirked. “Mm-hmm.”

“And these,” Sam finally spoke, producing his posters of Doctor Sexy and Zachary Quinto. He purposefully seemed to avoid Dean’s gaze. Ed and Harry also rose, holding up the cactus plant and some tall candles from his room.

Lilith pointed to the hand held objects. “Sexual, even phallic motifs in decorating.” She gestured to the two posters. “Gay iconography.”

Dean was appalled at the people around him. He turned to Lisa, his girlfriend, desperate to have someone on his side. But she just sat there, her hands folded in her lap, giving him a pitying look. “You don’t even like to kiss me.”

“It’s true,” his friends all said at once.

Dean finally seemed to regain control of his mouth and limbs. He rose from his seat, furious at the group. “I can’t believe this!”

Lilith just keep sitting there, frustratingly calm. “Denial is a normal part of the healing process that we’ll explore at True Directions.”

That took Dean back. He turned to his family. “Healing?” he sputtered.

“Like rehab,” John answered. “Homosexuals anonymous.”

His hands balled up into fists. He could feel himself clenching his jaw.

“It’s only for a few months,” Sam offered apolgetically.

“There’s no way in hell I’m going.”

\----------

Dean couldn’t believe he had been forced into the backseat of his own car. His parents had told him it was punishment for how he had acted yesterday, but it still was a cruel and unusual punishment. His Dad was driving, hands gripping the steering wheel and refusing to look at him. His mom periodically had offered him a sandwich or water on the long trip to New Directions, but he had refused on principle.

He glanced over at the empty seat next to him. Sam was ordered to stay home. Dean guessed it was for the best: it would probably be a lot harder to leave it Sam had come along.

Before they had gotten into the car, Sam had given him a bear hug, slipping a folded piece of paper into his hands. He had read it over and over again on the ride. Sam had apologized how everything had went the day before, that he loved Dean and only cared about him being happy, not about being gay.

He wasn’t gay. There was no way he was. He had only agreed to go because he was going to prove his straightness in a day or two and get right back to civilization.

All too soon they had pulled into a driveway on the side of the road to nowhere, passing a picturesque white sign with the True Directions logo. Before him stood a two story Victorian, tasteless painting in shade of hot pink and powder blue. The trees on the property well all bare and dead, even though it was early march. The dry, golden grass held no garden out front, save a few plastic flowers that were shoved into a plot at one-foot intervals. The hideous pink van from the day before was parked in the dirt patch Dean assumed to be the driveway. A pink barbed wire fence ran the entire length of the extensive property; it reminded Dean of a cattle pasture.

His parent’s parked the car and anxiously exited the vehicle. Dean didn’t move. He wasn’t ready to part with his baby and go to whatever the hell this was.

“Dean, let’s go,” his father’s voice called out. Dean stared at the luggage next to him, still not moving. “Now!”

He let out a strained sigh and opened the door, grabbing his one bag and football.

The front door of the house opened, and a middle aged man in a baby blue business suit strolled down the stones steps, trailed by a dark haired girl a little older than Dean in a fifties style pink dress. They waved at his family.

“Welcome, welcome, _welcome,”_ the man greeted with a wide smile. “I’m Dick. I’m the founder of True Directions.” He turned to Dean, a strange unnerving intensity flashed in his eyes, but it was gone in a second. Dean shifted uncomfortably. “And you must be Dean.”

“Yes,” his dad answered for him.

Dick turned to the girl next to him. “This is my daughter Meg.”

She extended her hand to him, surprisingly forceful. “Please to meet you, Dean,” she drawled. He shook her hand out of politeness. She grabbed the bag out of his hand - although the football remained in his grasp - and shot her father a questioning glance. He gave a slight nod of resigned acceptance, and Meg turned to take the bags into the house.

“Looks like we got you just in time,” Dick continued. “What are you? About seventeen?”

“Yes,” his mom answered.

Dick gave a knowing _mm-hmm_. “Almost lost him to college. You know, it’s so much harder once they’ve been through all that liberal arts brainwashing, but we’ve saved a few.” He flashed another smile at his parents. “I’ll take him from here.”

Dean’s mom reached over to hug him, so tightly he wasn’t sure he could breathe. She reached up to kiss the top of his head, mumbling ‘I love you’ in his hair. She backed away so his father could have his goodbye. His dad didn’t hug him, only shooting a you’re-not-going-to-screw-up-okay look. Dean nodded in response.

His Dad took his mother’s hand and they both left Dean, heading back to his car. They didn’t look back at him.

“Well,” Dick clapped his hands, breaking Dean’s concentration. “Come on.”

Dick turned towards the front door, motioning for Dean to follow. Behind him, he heard the sound of the engine humming and the wheels rolling through the dirt. Dean glanced back to see his baby turn out of the lot and drive back the way it came. His parents were gone. He was on his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gave you two chapters, because I wanted to get this thing going!
> 
> I know there's no Cas yet. He will come soon, I promise. If you want to see what the True Direction's house looks like: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-athOhBtTyvY/UoGE5uKvvhI/AAAAAAAACWc/Hyfz7l2IiFY/s1600/True+Directions+House+2.jpg
> 
> Next chapter will be up next Saturday. See you there!


	3. Step One - Admitting You're A Homosexual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first step in the five step program: admitting you're a homosexual.

“The other’s arrived yesterday, so why don’t I catch you up?

Dean took in the grass green walls of the office he was shuffled into upon arrival. Mint curtains fluttered in the warm breeze coming in through the open window. He scooted forward in the green chair he was currently sitting it. Across from him, Dick was seated in front of a forest green desk with small potted plants in the corner. His hands rested on a bundle of fabric matching the room wrapped in a blue bow. Blocking it was a dark nameplate that read ‘DICK H. ROMAN.’

“It’s a two-month program based on five simple steps. Why don’t we concentrate on the first step? You admitting your problem.”

Dean could only stare at the man in confused frustration. It didn’t seem to bother Dick, as he only paused for a moment.

Dick lowered his voice. “When you see a man in tight pants,” he gulped, “and his thick,” a long intake of breath, “muscular legs. Or perhaps he’s in the bathroom, brushing back his thick hair as he checks himself in the mirror. Or maybe in the locker room, soaping his body, rubbing his pecs.”

Dean could feel his breath come shallower as the speech went on. The palms of his hands were clammy. He shifted in his seat.

“You don’t have any unnatural thoughts?”

He thought about that stuff all the time; it was normal. “I don’t think it’s unnatural,” he explained.

“Aha!” Dick exclaimed. “You see? You don’t even think it’s wrong.” Dean opened his mouth to argue, but the man wouldn’t let him get a word in. “Until you admit your sickness, you will wear these,” he stated and passed the ugly bundle to Dean. He held up the cloth in disgust. “You will earn the right to wear civvies once you have admitted the first step.”

Dick gave him a tough, but pitying look. “It’s a long path to righteousness, Dean. And it’s a battlefield of temptation out there. You’re going to have to fight. Until then,” he took in a breath to collect himself. “I’d like you to meet one of our other soldiers. Michael?” he called out the door.

A pleasant looking boy only a little shorter than himself walked into the room. He was dressed in blue knee shorts and polo with a matching tie. Dean shuddered and instinctively grabbed onto the flannel he was currently wearing.

“Dean, this is Michael. He will show you around, and, well, you’ll get acquainted.” Both men shot him wide, unnerving smiles. Dean’s breath caught in his throat as he rose, with bundle and football still in hand, to follow Michael to the bathroom.

\----------

The bundle of clothing was nothing more than a medical gown covering the frontal bits. Dean had to clasp the fabric behind his back at all times to keep it covering his ass. Michael didn’t seem to be put off by it, and simply continued his tour of the grounds. He was taking Dean around the front porch area of the house.

“Okay. Rise and Shine at 7:00. Breakfast at 8:00. Group Therapy until lunch. Now in the afternoon we have free time to do,” he trailed off, looking back at Dean, “you know, whatever. And then we move inside for reorienting exercises. Family therapy on the weekends.”

They stopped outside a rectangular shaped addition to the house, white with pink and blue doors and windows. Dean guessed that this was where he was sleeping. Michael looked him up and down and smirked. “You didn’t miss much, really.”

Dean cocked his head, as to ask what he meant by that, but the boy had already turned around and opened the blue door before them.

The room was to blue as Dick’s office was to the color green. Five matching beds with plastic covers were lined up in a semicircle along the walls of the room. Each bed had a side table with a lamp, alarm clock, and what was most likely the bible delicately positioned on it. Dean saw his bags placed next to the middle bed.

The only other person in the room was a dark haired boy lounging on the farthest right bed, reading and smoking, wearing the same god awful uniform as Michael. He didn’t seem to notice the duo come in.

“This is where we sleep,” Michael needlessly explained, “but there’s no inappropriate behavior allowed.”

“Like swearing,” Dean asked.

“No, inappropriate like fucking.” Dean was taken back by other boy’s voice: it was deep and gravely and completely unexpected. He looked up to meet Dean’s eyes. The bright azure shade was intense. Maybe it was because of all the blue.

“Oh,” Dean breathed.

The boy continued on, a strange combination of amusement and what seemed to be general pissiness on his face. “You get caught in the throes of sodomy, and _au revoir_.” He continued to stare at Dean while he took a drag of his cigarette.

Behind him, Michael left the room. At the last moment he grabbed Dean’s arm and dragged him away from the boy.

It was only after he turned his back that he realized the boy could see the boxer briefs. He rapidly pulled the fabric over his ass and spun back so the boy could only see his front. The boy had raised his eyebrows, as if he was impressed. Dean shut the door before it got any weirder.

“Never mind Castiel,” Michael told him outside.  “He’s a spoiled brat. I read his chart.”

He was waiting beside a large poster reading ‘true directions 5 step chart’ and underneath had all their names with boxes beside them.  He looked at the column for step 1. Neat check marks filled the boxes.

“Step one was easy: admitting you’re a homosexual. See? Well all passed...” His finger pointed at the poster and trailed down until it reached Dean’s empty box. “Yesterday.”

Michael stepped forward, invading Dean’s space. He stared into his eyes. “I’m a homosexual,” he breathed, smiling at him. “See how easy it is?”

Dean was frozen, unsure of what to do. He tried to give a small, congratulatory smile. It probably came out more like a grimace.

\----------

Dean wasn’t sure exactly why he had to cut the blue ribbon off of the ugly turquoise chair from the fifties, but when he did the entirety of group therapy - all eight other campers plus Dick, clapped for him. The cheers ranged from enthusiastic to obligatory. He didn’t really care; he was just happy to have something to cover his ass.

“Dean, meet the rest of our group,” Dick remarked.

Dean thought the first person was a girl, with shoulder length hair and a done up face, but they were wearing the boy’s clothes. “Hi Dean,” they waved, their voice deep and rich. “I’m Raphael, and I’m a baseball player, and I’m a homosexual.”

They said it all with a smile on their face, as if saying ‘oops, oh well.’ Had they practiced this stupid introduction like they were in kindergarten? How could anyone be so nonchalant about it?

But Raphael was already sitting down, and a skinny blonde boy was towering over him. “I’m Balthazar,” he belted in his British accent. “I hate Celine Dion. I’m a homosexual.”

After him was a girl with long red hair and eyes that kept shifting around the room. “I’m Anna, I’m Catholic and, um, a h-homose-sexual,” she stammered. She gave a short nod before sitting down.

Up next was Castiel, who was leaning back on one arm, head tilted, and rocking slightly. “We met,” he smirked.

“Castiel!” Dick barked.

He rolled his eyes, but stood up nonetheless. “I’m Castiel, and I like boys. A lot.” He winked before feigning a suffering expression. “And I’m a homosexual.”

Dean sent him a bitchface as the next girl, short with dark hair, stood up. “Ruby: engineer, mastermind, homosexual.” She flashed him a showy grin as she plopped down.

“Charlie,” the next girl popped up. “Homosexual, champion LARPer. How you doing?” She saluted him, and Dean couldn’t help but laugh.

The short blonde girl next to her stood up right afterwards. “I’m Jo Harvelle. I work at my mom’s bar, The Roadhouse.” She bit her lip nervously. “I’m a homosexual.”

Dean’s eyes moved on to the next person, but they fell onto Michael and Dick. That was it, everyone he was going to talk to for the next two months. It was going to get lonely quickly.

Dick tried to give him a warm smile. “It’s time for your first disclosure, and don’t be intimidated. Why don’t you start by telling us about the first time that you realized that you might be gay?”

Dean’s mouth hung open in shock, his brow furrowed as he looked at Dick out of the corner of his eye. They were still serious about this. He let out a nervous laugh. “I’m not.” He looked to the rest of the group, who were all raising eyebrows at the statement. Castiel just sent him a look that clearly said ‘you can’t be serious.’ “Everyone just thinks I am,” he assured them. “I shouldn’t even be here.” He gave a small laugh; everyone else was giving him pitying looks.

Dean focused on Dick, who tightened his lips and gave one exaggerated nod. “That’s a perfectly normal place to start,” he said with an expression of understanding. “Why don’t we discuss the issues in your intervention?”

Dean’s eyes traveled to the ground as the memories of yesterday afternoon flooded into his mind. “Well, I wear hair gel.” A couple of the kids nodded and murmured sounds of agreement. “I have pictures of men around.”

“You think that’s normal?” asked Raphael.

“Sure,” he replied automatically. But he paused, going over his friend’s lockers and rooms. They didn’t have posters of other guys or bottles of hair product. Not that he could see anyway. He looked down at the ground, grasping the medical gown in his fists. “I never really thought about it.”

“Have you ever had a girlfriend?” Dick inquired.

“Yes,” he glanced at the man. “For two years now we’ve been going steady. I really love her.” He smiled at the group. See? How could he be gay with a girlfriend?

Memories of Lisa crowded his mind. “She’s smart and popular-”

“And she’s got the sweetest pussy I’ve ever seen,” Castiel interrupted. Dean glared at him, but he had no clue how to respond to that. He couldn’t ever confirm or deny the statement.

“Have you ever had sex with her?” Michael asked, voice more hesitant and obviously attempting to tread lighter than Castiel.

Dean found himself replying right away. “I never wanted to take advantage of her.” That had always been his reasoning. They had never done more than let her make out with him in the impala.

But Michael gave him a tight, knowing look. “It’s really easy to be a gentleman when you’re not attracted to her, isn’t it?”

Dean shook his head. That couldn’t be it. “She’s very beautiful.”

“But does she make you hot?” Balthazar piped up. “I mean, do you think of him at night when you...” He made a noncommittal gesture with his hands around the crotch area.

“I’m not perverted,” Dean snapped. “I get good grades. I’m part of student government. I’m a football player!”

It didn’t miss his attention how Castiel narrowed his eyes at that comment.

“I’m not like all of you,” he exclaimed. “Everyone reads men’s health. Everyone looks at other guys all the time.”

Charlie cut him off. “But you only assume that they’re thinking what you’re thinking when they look, but they’re not.”

Dean gaped at her, his mind reeling. He went back to all the times he had stared at the other guys’ asses or watched them change in the locker room. How he got a thrill out of being tacked.

“I thought everybody had those thoughts.” A couple of the boys shook their heads. Castiel knowingly raised his eyebrows. Dean felt sick. “I just want to be normal.”

Dick came over to wrap his arms around his shoulders and look him in the eye. “Then you admit you’re not normal. So why don’t you admit you’re a homosexual.”

His eyes raked over the others in the room, all ready for him to say the words.

Voices started to swirl in his head. Ed and Harry: “You hug us way too much.” Lisa: “You don’t even like to kiss me.” “Victor: “You like to slap my ass.” Visions of Lisa’s open mouth and tongue came at him as Michael’s voice breathed, “Step one was easy.” Whispers of “homosexual” filled his head until it became a defining roar.

“I’m a homosexual!”

He let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. Dean jumped off the chair. “I’m a homosexual!” he screamed again. “I’m a homosexual!”

He was laughing hysterically. Or maybe crying. He wasn’t entirely sure. No sound came out and he couldn’t breathe.

Dick put an arm on his shoulder. “Congratulations, Dean. You have just taken your first step in your true direction.”

Applause rang around him, and then all but Castiel came up to surround him in a hug. “I’m a homosex-” he whispered between gasps for breath.

Eventually Dick called everyone out of the room. Castiel gave a meaningful glance before moving away.

“Stop panicking, Dean,” Dick ordered. “It’s going to be okay.” Dean muttered a no as he collapsed back into the chair. His whole life was a lie. What was he doing?

Dick pulled a bundle of cloth, not unlike the first, but blue this time, from behind his back. “Here, put these on.” He dropped the bundle on Dean’s lap and exited the therapy room.

Dean barely registered anything. “They were right,” he breathed through shaky laughs. “I’m a homo.” Oh god.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay!! We finally got to Cas, and to meeting the rest of the campers. 
> 
> The next update is next Saturday. See you soon!


	4. The First Night At True Directions

Dinner was served on the plastic turf covered courtyard between the house and their rooms. Two hot pink outdoor tables and the counter where they got their trays of food were the only furniture. All the kids sat at one table. All except Castiel, who was sitting at the closest one to Dean, poking at his food.

As Dean walked by with his food looked up for a moment. “Congratulations on your first step, Football,” he said drily, and took a bite of hot dog.

Dean didn’t even bother gracing him with a response, and instead hurried over to the empty space between Ruby and Michael.

“Don’t listen to him,” Ruby comforted as he sat down. “He’s just upset ‘cause the sausage on his plate is the only kind he can shove into his mouth.”

Dean looked up to see Castiel staring at them, but he quickly looked down once he met Dean’s eye.

“I can’t wait to be straight,” remarked Anna. She gave a small laugh in the back of her throat. “I always wanted to be.”

“It’s cool to finally talk about it, you know?” added Charlie. “I mean, I can’t tell any of my friends on the LARPing team.”

“Maybe you have the wrong friends,” Cas piped up without looking up.

“I think we should all be supporting each other,” Dean stated, peering at Castiel.

“Really, Princess? Do you want to start the _Kumbayas_?

The two glared at each other for a minute, but Dean finally turned away. The rest of dinner was held in silence.

\----------

Dick was outside, observing how Meg was watering the flowers. Even though the plastic ones didn’t need it for photosynthesis, they still got dirty from being outside and had to be cleaned regularly. She had donned rubber gloves, a spray bottle, and washrag, spraying the plastic petals and wiping them clean. She was utterly horrid at it, but she was the woman of the house and she had to display proper cleaning skills.

“Flowers are pretty,” she muttered at one point.

“I know,” he replied. “You know, I noticed a that the back room has been gathering a layer of dust. I’d like you to get to it tonight.”

“I’ll get to it, Dad. Jesus.”

Dick fumed and slapped her in the arm. “Ow,” she cried. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

“Look, not in my presence.”

Meg rolled her eyes and went back to her ‘gardening.’ Her father was still, seeing as he had nothing better to do. Eventually she finished, grabbing her beer and taking a giant gulp of it. Dick grabbed it out of her hands, some droplets flying out of her mouth.

“I have told you over and over again, no more chugging! Sip it like a lady. And beer? Really?”

Meg raised her shoulders and Dick sighed. He handed over his water bottle. “Take a sip.” She glowered at him, but took the bottle and a quick, short sip. She handed it back over without pretense either. She headed up the stairs to the house.

“Try and get to that tonight,” he called after her. She didn’t respond, but he knew she’d do it. He looked up at the clear night sky for a few minutes before he headed in after her.

\----------

Dean couldn’t sleep. The mattress squeaked every time he moved and the pillow was too hard. And even in the darkness of night he couldn’t escape the endless amount of blue around him. They sort of reminded him of Castiel’s eyes.

The sound of a short buzz, followed by a moan, broke his thoughts. It happened again, once more, twice in a row.

Dean sat up and looked to the bed next to his: Balthazar’s. The buzzing was coming from there. A red light danced under the covers.

He turned to his other side. The clock read just past 12:00am. Dean rubbed a hand over his eyes. He was never going to get to sleep like this. He quietly slipped out of bed and went over to Balthazar’s. He tapped him on what he thought to be the shoulder. A quiet ‘aww fuck’ slipped out as a very disgruntled Balthazar glared at him.

“Don’t worry. It’s just me.”

“What do you want,” he groaned.

“What are you doing?” Dean dared ask, although he knew he wasn’t going to like the answer.

“A.V. What’s it to you?”

“What’s A.V.?”

“Aversion Therapy, stupid.” Dean must have looked confused because Balthazar gave the most dramatic sigh one could muster two hours after lights out. “When you have inappropriate fantasies about boys, you shock yourself with this shocker.” He pulled a black, plastic tube-like thing about a foot long. He pressed a button, and the buzzing noise sounded accompanied by a glowing red tip. “So every time you think of them, you feel that pain.”

“That’s sick.”

“No pain, no gain, baby. You want to like pussy? You better start training yourself.”

Dean was about to leave when he saw a bit of white fabric sticking out from under the covers. He reached for it. “Isn’t that Castiel’s sock?”

Balthazar snatched it back with surge of new energy. “None of your damn business,” he quickly hissed. He pulled the covers over his head and soon enough the shocks and moans began again.

Dean stared, dumbfounded, at Balthazar’s bed. He eventually gave up trying to understand what had just happened and stumbled back into his bed. He had just gotten under the covers when the door opened. Dick came into the room, dressed in silk pajamas and nightcap, and shined a flashlight on his bed.

“Dean, get up. You have a phone call.”

Dean walked back with Dick to the community phone, which was placed right outside Dick’s bedroom. Probably so he could listen in on all the conversations. Not that Dean was too concerned about that. Besides, the man had gotten straight into bed and started strumming a guitar. Dean would question that later.

“Hello?” he asked when he picked up the phone.

A sweet, feminine voice responded. “Dean, it’s Mom and Dad. We know it’s after lights out, but we just miss you so much.”

His dad’s voice cut in. “We just wanted to know how you’re doing?”

He wasn’t sure of what to say. That he probably just made two enemies in one day and doesn’t know what’s going on in his life anymore? That his whole worldview has rapidly changed?

“I’m doing okay,” he finally answered. “You were right. I am a homosexual, but I’ll be regular soon.”

“That Dick is pretty good then, huh?” his dad asked. Dean decided it was not a good idea to point out how wrong that came out, but that didn’t stop him from dropping his head into his hands. “Mm-hmm, and Lilith, and all the others. I’m already starting step two.”

“We’re so glad,” his dad spoke, and Dean could her the smile in his voice. “And after all that money.”

“We can’t wait to see you up there at graduation, to have you home, so we can all be together again. Just remember: we love you, and we would do anything for you to have a normal life. And if you need anything-”

“We’d better go,” his dad cut in. “Now you hang in there and stay strong.”

“But what about Sam,” he asked?

“He’s fine, just asleep,” his day said. But we have to go.”

Dean felt emptiness crash over him. He wanted to talk to Sam. He ‘d be the only thing that could make him lighten up.

“Okay. See you at family therapy. Love you.” Dean waited for a response, but he was pretty sure the line went dead while he was talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short. Next chapter will be longer. I promise.
> 
> Next Update will be next Saturday. See you then.


	5. Step Two - Rediscovering Your Gender Identity

Starting the next day, the group was broken up by gender: boys with Dick and girls with Lilith. The adults explained that to rejoin the heterosexual community they would have to relearn heterosexual roles in society. With sounded pretty strange to Dean, but he guessed it couldn’t be too horrible.

The boys got to a late start because Dick had taken Raphael aside for about an hour. The rest of them had nothing to do except sit in a circle on a few of the campfire logs and stare at each other. He and Castiel kept doing that - on his part by accident, although he wasn’t sure he could say the same for the other boy. Every time Dean looked up he seemed to be studying the minute details of his face.

Eventually Dick came back with an unrecognizable Raphael. Their hair had been cut close to the scalp and the makeup had been forcefully wiped from their skin. Both the face and eyes looked alarmingly red, but Raphael seemed to keep it together. Dean felt pity for them.

The first task was learning how to fix a car, which Dean excelled at. He was the first to volunteer to get down below the model car; Dick didn’t even have to coach him on what to do. When he came up and turned on the engine, the pleasant hum that followed earned him a congratulatory slap on the back from Dick.

He was feeling pretty good about himself, that was until the next person, Raphael got under the car.

“And you slip it in, and out,” Dick coached. “And you add a little more oil. And shove it in. Take it out. Put some muscle into it.”

All the boys were eying Raphael’s crotch hungrily, like it was the only food they’d seen in days. Dick seemed to be oblivious. Dean could only stare in horror at the scene. He tried to avert his eyes, but they landed on a giant wooden cutout of a tall wrench flagged by a tire on either side. He only then noticed the others: an oddly shaped tree with two bushes, a soldier leisurely holding a gun at a kneeling comrade, one that looked suspiciously like an upside down man with his legs open. And Lilith had said his room was bad. He knew his face was bright red. Damn it.

Dicks voice still carried over the yard: “Shove it in... and out. And shove it in, and take it out.”

The next day was wood chopping, complete with instruction on proper masculine posing, which only terrified Dean because some of the boys at True Directions looked like they’d never been outside before. He and Michael were fine with it, but Raphael couldn’t break through the entire log, and Balthazar’s flew out of his hands on the initial raising of the axe. Castiel didn’t bother to try; instead he sat on one of the logs and pushed dirt around with his foot.

No one but Dean actually knew how to play football, so he was automatically made quarterback. Castiel graciously offered to sit out so the numbers were even, but it didn’t stop the boy from glaring at every move they made. The whole two-on-two game was a disaster, complete with flailing and misses and awkward tackling. Despite Balthazar’s inability to pay attention and catch the stupid ball, he and Dean some how beat the other team. It wasn’t fulfilling at all.

They practiced gun shooting, like they would in the army, but that merely dissolved into them running around the empty field with plastic guns, making ‘pew pew’ noises at each other and screaming ‘Die! Die! Die!’ Even Castiel joined in on that one, but he was sure to run into Dean every chance he got, even going as far as to tackle him to the ground, straddle his waist, and hold the stupid gun to his chest. All with a cocky smile plastered on his face.

At dinner Charlie would catch Dean up on what the girls were doing, which mainly consisted with cleaning and cooking, sewing and primping, and other girly things she despised. Everyone seemed to be passable, except for Ruby, who burned her food and ruined the hem of a dress.

She was quick to defend herself. “I’m meant to be solving math formulas, not cooking some guy’s dinner. It’s a waste of my time, so why should I care?”

The group went back to their meals with rolling eyes or appreciative chuckles. Dean glanced over at Castiel, who was still sitting away from the group. He watched the boy eat for a long time. He didn’t notice Charlie’s hand slowly intertwine with Jo’s under the table.

\----------

On Friday afternoon everyone was brought outside to the amphitheater, which was nothing more than a blown up photo of dead summer grass in front of a few logs for sitting. Dick stood tall and proud in front of the group.

“Ok then,” he sighed. “Who’s left to report out their root?”

The root was the main topic of focus for the past hour at least. It was what made you be a homosexual. He thought. Dean had been zoning in and out of the conversation and had no clue where the conversation had gone, and he had no clue what his root could be.

“Ruby?” Dick turned to her. And Dean was relieved it wasn’t him that was next.

Ruby wasn’t relieved; she looked like a deer caught in headlights. “Shit, Dick, I’m not the only one who doesn’t have a root.”

“Ruby, we don’t use profanity here at True Directions.” Ruby rolled her eyes, but remained silent. “Okay, who’s next?” Dick scanned the list in his hands. “Dean?”

He coughed before speaking. “Well, I’ve really been thinking, but I just can’t think of anything.”

“I think our little prom king is afraid to disclose,” Castiel muttered.

“Oh really?” He turned to Castiel. “What’s your root, Cas?”

He snorted, though whether at the nickname or question Dean wasn’t sure. “We’re working on your issue here, not mine. You’re deflecting.”

“Actually,” Dick interrupted, “I think it might be a great idea for Dean to be reminded of your root, Castiel.”

Dean raised his eyebrows and smugly turned to face Castiel. The boy looked down at his hands.

“My mother got married in pants.”

The group gave the obligatory follow up applause.

“Alright, let’s go around again as a reminder,” Dick continued, glancing at the list. “Charlie.”

She sighed. “Too many revealing cosplay conventions with other girls.”

“Michael?”

“Um, all-boys boarding school.”

“Balthazar?”

“I was born in France.”

“Jo?”

“My mom let me go hunting with my Dad’s friends.”

“I like boobs,” Raphael interrupted, deadpan. The entire group stared in shock and confusion at them.

“Why, thank you for that, Raphael,” Dick finally managed to choke out. He urged the others to clap for them. He turned to the next person. “Anna?”

She ran a hand through her hair. “Traumatic baptism,” she stuttered. “So... yeah.” The group applauded over her.

“Now, Dean, do you see how easy it could be? You just have to dig down into those painful memories, and you’ll find it.” Dick gave a short nod before turning away. “Now, Michael, will you please come up here?”

Michael rose from his seat to join Dick at the front of the group, looking proud as ever. “Today we are going to learn one of the most wonderful things about being a heterosexual: friendship.” Castiel rolled his eyes. “So what I’d like you to all do is to start partnering up, and find yourself a friend for the remainder of the program.”

Everyone got up right away: Charlie grabbed Jo, Ruby took Anna, and Raphael seemed to lay claim to Balthazar. The only person left was Castiel. Shit.

Castiel seemed to be just as upset with the circumstances as Dean was. He crossed his arms defensively over his chest, although he didn’t seem to mind standing right on top of Dean.

“Alright, everybody settle. Now that we have all found someone, what I’d like you to do is practice sometime tonight with these.” Dick held up two bundles of cards with the true directions logos printed on them. Wonderful.

\----------

Castiel and Dean had decided to meet back at the amphitheater after dinner for the project. A small, representational fire of plastic flames and electric light was their only light source. The other groups had also come to the spot to play the game.

Castiel was straddling the log, less than a foot away from him. He could hear the boy breathe. It was unnerving.

Dean held up one of the cards. A man in a business suit was sitting in at an office desk.

“It’s a man,” Castiel said.

“And what else?” Dean prompted.

“I don’t know.”

“The worker of the family. Men have roles that are different from women’s. After you learn that, you’ll stop objectifying them." The 'start objectifying women' was left unsaid. "Having you been listening to anything Dick’s said?”

Castiel smirked. “Well, have you?”

“Have I what?”

“Stopped objectifying them.”

Dean glared at him. “I’m still looking for my root.”

“Must be tough when you’re such a prick.”

Cas grabbed the card pack out of his hands and began shuffling through them. Dean fumed in silence.

“Your turn.” Castiel held up one of the cards. A naked torso was tapped over the figure of a smiling man. The body appeared to be lathering up his abs. Dean gaped at the card.

He yelped in surprise as a painful shock ran through his body. A flinched back as Cas removed the taser from Dean’s nipple. “You really have to be more prepared for temptation, Dean.”

Dean threw the cards down on the dirt, earning a mildly surprised expression from Castiel. He was sick of it. “I just want to get out of here and be normal,” he snapped, “and I’m not going to let some freak mess that up for me.” He shot up off the log and stomped back to their room. Castiel was still grinning like a Cheshire cat. He was such an asshole.

\----------

The next day the girls were working on taking care of children. Each girl was clutching a plastic baby doll, attempting to figure out how to put a diaper on the toy. Lilith had the wonderful duty of supervising the train wreck. She could just be happy that everyone was focused.

That was until one of the girls spotted Meg through the window. She had just come back from gardening. Her skin was glowing from its time in the sun, and the physical work in the afternoon heat made her button down stick to her skin. She raised her arm, displaying the water bottle in her hand. She gently unscrewed the top and brought it to her lips. Water droplets poured down her chin and neck as she took huge gulps of the liquid.

All the girls in the room gaped at Meg. Ruby had to clutch onto Jo for support, hands drifting to her breast. Jo was too enraptured to care.

Meg opened her eyes and saw the girls at the window. She eyed them as she wiped the water away from her lips.

“Girls!” Lilith’s shout broke Meg’s spell. The turned to see the counselor shooting daggers at them. “Don’t you see how sad and pathetic you all are? Always wanting something you can’t have...”

Lilith trailed off as she looked back at the window. Meg was leaving, but Lilith had the perfect view to watch her ass as she chassed away. She sighed for the beautiful woman.

Lilith froze. What was she doing? She was straight, so she better start acting like it.

She turned to the girls, whom were all staring at her. “If I catch you looking at another woman like that _ever_ again,” she thundered, pointing at them for emphasis, “you’ll be practicing makeup technique the whole weekend!”

The girls looked down in shame. Good. They better be.

\----------

Meanwhile, the boys were having a lesson in leaf blowers from Dick. They’re hadn’t been enough machines for everyone, so they had to pair up. Which meant Dean and Castiel got paired together. Because fate was a bitch like that.

Dick was trying to explain how to turn on the thing, and Dean was perfectly content with waiting for the instructions, but Castiel was fiddling with the knobs and buttons. He was going to break it and get the both of them in trouble.

“You’re doing it wrong,” he muttered.

“Will you please just help hold the thing while I get it started,” Castiel hissed back as he reached for a black button on the side.

Dean reached over to stop him, brushing one of the knobs in the process. “You’re doing it all wrong.”

“No I’m not. If you would just give it to me to do, it would be fine.”

Castiel tried to grab the leaf blower, but held on for dear life and pulled back. Somewhere Dick was scolding them, but Dean was a bit too busy wrestling with Castiel to care. Dean yanked in one direction, causing the nozzle to shoot upwards. Castiel pulled in the opposite direction, accidentally pushing the black button in the process.

The leaf blower roared to life, pushing an unyielding gust of air in Dick’s face. Both boys dropped the machine in shock, and it sputtered around and kicked up dirt until Dick recovered enough to get down and turn the stupid thing off. He fumed at the two of them, shoving the leaf blower in Castiel’s arms.

“Let’s try that one more time,” he grunted, and walked away in a huff.

Dean turned to Castiel to find the other boy already watching at him. They held each other’s gaze for a minute before dissolving in a fit of laughter. Dean doubled over and Cas leaned against him, leaf blower dangling in his right hand. He looked up at the other boy, a smile growing on his lips. Maybe they could be friends after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, after seeing the spoiler material for season 10, I kinda wish I had put Hannah in here. Still mad about the Cas/Hannah thing. Just want them to be a BroTP. Anyways, I should stop complaining. Season 10 starts Tuesday! Yay!!!
> 
> The Update will be next Saturday. I will see you all then.


	6. Step Three - Family Therapy

The therapy room was cramped on Saturday. Sets parents flanked each one of their children. Although most put on a mask of compassion, Dean could tell that every one of the teenagers in that room was being horribly judged.

For the past hour or so they had been filling in their parents on what they had learned at True Directions and how far they had come in being heterosexual. All the while the adults eye’s locked on them as if they were prey. It was utterly horrible.

The only good thing was that Sam had finally been able to come. He had quickly filled in his brother on school and the football team. They had lost. Dean, strangely enough, found himself only a little hurt by the news. He was devastated from hearing how easily people were adjusting to him being gone. But Sam had been sure to say how boring life was without his jerk of an older brother. Sam really was the best.

Dean shook himself out of his thoughts and focused back on the therapy. Currently Ruby was trying to bullshit some excuse of a root to Dick and her parents.

“And I realized that when we finished swimming lessons we would change in front of each other.” She grinned nervously and glanced around the room to gauge their reactions to her story. No one seemed very impressed. “That’s it. Why I’m a homo.”

“Ruby, that’s what kids do after swimming lessons,” Dick explained. “Change. Everyone does that.”

“But I took one look at those girls, and I felt,” her eyes flick up to her parent’s judgmental faces, “you know what.”

Dean’s mom coughed. Sam went wide-eyed.

“I, um, can relate to that,” Anna spoke up, glancing at her own parents. She looked like she was a deer caught in headlights staring at her father. Dean thought she was very brave. “Um, when I used to study with Hester, we used to touch each other’s legs and rub up against each other.”

“Fingering each other after your fucking conformation is a little bit different than learning how to dog paddle,” Castiel’s dad interrupted, his voice rough and dry like his son’s. The man’s dark hair was thinning and his slightly protruding stomach hung out over his belt. Mr. Novak looked completely comfortable lounging in the room in his dark suit while his son looked ready to die of embarrassment. Dean already knew the man was a douche, and he could see where Castiel learned his ways, but he starting to feel bad for the boy.

“That is totally uncalled for,” Mr. Milton shot back in defense.

“Well, excuse me,” Mr. Novak sneered, “but we’re paying a lot of money here to get these kids fixed, not sit around and listen to stories all day.” Dean glanced over to check on Castiel; his eyes were glued to a specific spot on the rug. “Castiel, I hope you’re getting a little more out of this program than that dyke over there.” He pointed at Ruby, who shrunk back into the couch she was sitting on.

“Mr. Novak, I don’t find that appropriate,” Dick finally cut in.

“No, he’s right,” Ruby said softly. “It was a stupid-ass root. I’m never gonna know why I’m a... dyke.” Her voice cracked on the last word. Her face contorted, ready to cry.

“I’ve heard enough of this crap,” Mr. Novak grunted. He turned to his son. “When we get back from Switzerland, you better have this gay thing out of your system, got it?”

Cas gave a slight nod. “I got it,” he mumbled.

His father stood up and turned back to his son, towering over him. “You fuck up: no college, no car, no trust fund.”

With that, Mr. Novak and his wife marched out of the room, pretentious heads held high. Dean couldn’t help but sneer as they left. Good riddance.

But when he looked back to Castiel, the boy tight smile plastered on his lips. He got up and followed his parent’s out the door. Dean wanted to follow him, but he knew Dick would never let him. He turned to look out the window behind him. Castiel’s parents were hurrying back to the car, leaving Cas to watch them alone on the porch. Dean swore he heard Mr. Novak make a comment about how he wasn’t going to sit in a room full of dykes and faggots. He never wanted to punch someone so hard.

Castiel turned around, and his eyes met with Dean’s. They looked so lost and hopeless, almost dead inside. Dean wanted to do something to comfort Cas, but as soon as he opened his lips to mouth ‘I’m sorry,’ he heard the commanding tone of “Dean.”

He twisted back to see Dick waiting patiently for him. “It’s your turn to report out your root.”

Dean gulped. He thought he had come up with something, but he never wanted to say it in front of the present company. He caught Dick’s eye; he was waiting, but shooting him an expression that clearly told him he wasn’t getting out of this.

He took a steadying breath. “I think it might be my parents,” he admitted.

His parents and Sam gaped at him while Dick just looked impressed. “Okay, go with that,” he urged.

Dean dared look at his parents’ faces. “You know, we’ve kinda been like this greeting card family, with the mom and dad and two kids.” His parents nodded as he gestured to the four of them. “But then there was that one year where,” he paused for a moment, unsure of how to say the next part. He picked some dirt under his nails. “Dad was unemployed and Mom had to support us.”

“Wait a minute,” his dad interrupted. “That was only for nine months. And then Bobby offered me a much better job down at his shop.” He spoke the last part to the room, trying to defend himself while Mary nodded in encouragement.”

“Well, it was maybe seeing mom kinda being the dad. Maybe I,” God, he hated doing this; it felt so forced. “Maybe I got kinda the wrong idea about the roles of men and women?” He was outright asking Dick this.

The man ate it up. “Absolutely,” he assured. “You know, I can’t believe that you didn’t mention this earlier. Your father was emasculated, your mother was domineering.”

“Not exactly,” he feebly added. Dick ignored him.

“You thought that men could be taken care of like women. You have no respect for them because you don’t respect your father.

He could feel his dad glaring at him, prickling his skin. “It’s really not like that.”

“Dean,” Dick smiled, “You have found your root.”

Dick gave an enthusiastic applause and the rest of the room joined in. Dean wanted the ground to swallow him up.

“In order to start healing this fester wound,” Dick continued, “I want you to write a song.” Dean shot him a questioning glance at the suggestion. “It’s very therapeutic, and it’s good to put your feelings down.”

Dean nodded: no use in arguing. He dared look at his parents. His mom was in shock, and looked almost ashamed. His dad looked like he was barely holding himself back from slapping him for revealing such private information.  Sam, however, seemed to understand and just gave him a pitying look. He quickly turned away from his family and stared at his hands. Why had they come? How was family therapy a good idea?

\----------

The warm, dry sunshine made it possible for free time every afternoon. With Lilith as moderator, it usually transformed into acting out preschool games. Raphael and Anna played some form of patty cake on the front steps while Balthazar, Charlie, and Jo played tag. Castiel was smoking by himself as always and Dean was nowhere to be found. Ruby had sat herself down in front of Michael and tried to initiate an insightful conversation. So far it was going nowhere.

The shrill noise of the whistle called everyone’s attention to the top of the porch, where Lilith was standing with a hand on her hip. “Free time’s up in 20!” she called out with a clap of her hands. “That mean’s inside,” she clarified.

She was about to turn and leave when something must have caught her eye. Ruby swiveled around to see what Lilith was gaping at. Meg had just risen from the gardening plot of dirt she had been working on and the two had locked eyes. Meg slowly, sensually, brushed off the dirt that was clinging to her body. She seemed to take great care it was removed from her chest. Lilith looked like her heart had stopped, before she had practically sprinted into the house.

Ruby didn’t know if she should laugh or be worried. Wasn’t this place supposed to make you _not_ be gay?

A pink paper airplane caught her eye as it landed a few feet away from her. She excused herself from Michael and went over to the patch where it landed.

“What is it?” Michael called behind her.

She unfolded it to reveal a large rainbow printed in front of a black triangle. The paper read:

            ‘ANOTHER WAY OUT!

            EXPLORE YOUR ALTERNATIVES

            LIVE FREE!

            LOVE FREE!

            MEET OUT FRONT!

            MIDNIGHT NEXT SATURDAY!’

Ruby quickly shoved it into her pocket and returned to Michael. “It’s nothing, just trash,” she lied with a sweet smile. Inside she was dying to know what it was, but Michael was one of the people who actually bought in to Dick’s preachings. He would report her right away. No, she was going to show it to people who mattered. Later.

\----------

Dean walked up to Castiel’s normal spot, notebook and pen clutched in his hands. Honestly, he wasn’t entirely sure why he was doing this; he didn’t even know Castiel. But the family therapy hadn’t sat right with him. He didn’t want the boy to be alone in the world. And if Dean was honest with himself, there was something about the boy that drew him closer and closer.

Which was why he was standing in front of True Direction’s biggest loner, waiting for Cas to acknowledge him. The boy only looked up when Dean’s shadow fell over him. Dean attempted to ask him with his eyes if it was all right he sat down, which resulted in Castiel squinting in confusion up at him. Dean took that for a yes, and plopped down next to the other boy. Castiel stared at him before shifting away.

“What am I, contagious?” Dean asked bitterly. Castiel stopped moving, but refused to look at him. He brought the cigarette back to his lips and blew.

Dean shook his head and went back to his notebook. This was a stupid idea. He flipped to the first page where her was trying to construct the song, well, chant that Dick wanted him to do. He hadn’t realized he had started bouncing his leg to the beat and mumbling the words under his breath until Castiel voice cut through his concentration. “What are you doing?”

He looked up to see the other boy staring deep into his eyes. Albeit, the look was one that was annoyed and confused, but his blue eyes were still intense, and Dean could feel his face grow warm.

It was probably from embarrassment. “I’m trying to write a chant,” he explained.

Castiel smirked. “You mean like a cheer?”

“No,” Dean sputtered. “Cheers are for cheerleaders, chants are what the crowd does to get the players pumped.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Right...”

Dean fiddled with his pen. “Anyway, I’m stuck on ‘five, six, seven, eight, God is good’-”

“ ‘God is straight’,” Cas finished.

Dean looked up at him, impressed. “Hey, that’s good.” He scribbled the phrase in his notebook, completely aware of the other boy’s look of disgust. “It’s not supposed to be intellectual,” he muttered. Castiel’s only answer was a drag on his cigarette. “Chants are supposed to be simple, make people feel good.”

“Chants inflate asshole sport stars’ already massive egos. Orgasms make people feel good.”

Dean wanted to retort, to defend himself and his teammates, or, at least, ex-teammates. But for some reason he couldn’t. He did know people like that, who were jerks, and he did feel bad for Castiel. Maybe that’s why.

He glanced for at the boy. He wanted to talk to him about the whole parents debacle, but wasn’t sure how to broach the topic.

“Your parents didn’t stay very long,” he lamely stated.

Castiel gave a humorless chuckle. “Well, I imagine it must be hard sitting that long with a stick up your ass.”

“I’m sure they’re just doing what they think is best for you.”

The cigarette nearly fell from Castiel’s hand. His head swiveled towards Dean and he let out an exasperated laugh. “I thought it was just an act, but you really an all American golden boy, aren’t you?” He gestured to the house and lawn around them. “This is bullshit, Dean. It doesn’t work. You are who you are. The only trick is not getting caught.” He shoved the cigarette back between his lips.

Dean bit down on his lower lip. “How’d you end up here?”

Castiel was focused on something in the distance, beyond the True Direction’s fence and field across the road. Maybe it wasn’t even visible. “I got caught.”

“Doing what?”

Cas didn’t answer for a minute. Dean wasn’t sure he ever would. But when he did finally speak, his voice was soft and rougher than usual. “I, uh, I had this friend, and we just spent a little too much time together.” He smiled sadly at Dean.

“What were you doing,” he asked.

“What do you think?” The tight smile was still on his lips as he looked away and ran a hand through his messy hair. “My step-mom caught us in my room one day and sent me here.”

The two boys sat in silence for a moment. Neither could meet the other’s eyes. “Were you in love with him?” Dean asked. He didn’t know why he asked. Something inside of him was itching to know, but he didn’t know what it was or why it would care.

Cas sniffed, brushing something away from his cheek. There weren’t any tears yet, but Dean could see them beginning to water. “Does it matter?” he replied drily.

He stood up, cigarette lodged between his lips. Without thinking, Dean reached up and wrapped his hand around Cas’s fingers. The other boy pulled back. “Careful, I could report you for that.” Dean knew he was trying to be flirty, but Cas sounded more mournful than anything else.

He walked away, leaving Dean more alone and confused than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is romance starting to happen? Find out next Saturday when I update!
> 
> And thank you to everyone who has read, kudos'd, subscribed, and bookmarked this piece. It means a ton. Love you all!


	7. No Inappropriate Behavior

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ratings have changed and i have added tags. Just so you know.

Cas carefully laid Dean down on the bed and crawled up after, his legs straddling Dean’s waist. He slowly, teasingly leaned forward, until Dean could feel the boy’s hot breath on his face. He desperately wanted to reach up and pull Cas on his mouth, but he waited. Cas was in control.

Dean’s eyes were locked with his. He glanced down at the other boy’s lips, soft and slightly chapped and completely kissable.

Cas seemed to get the hint, and pressed his lips onto Dean’s, gently moving them. Dean’s eyes fell shut as he groaned at the sensation. He brought one hand up to wrap around Cas’s back, pulling him flush against his body. He could feel how hard the other boy was, poking against his hip.

He groped the bed with his other arm, searching for Cas’s hand. Upon finding it, he laced their fingers together. Like the gentle kissing, it was sweet and not at all what Dean expected to like, but found that he loved.

Cas’s arm that wasn’t busy being intertwined with Dean’s was stroking his cheek as he worked Dean’s mouth open. A tongue licked against his lips, and Dean instinctively opened up. Cas’s tongue explored his mouth, licking every crevice it could find. Dean moaned, and he could feel the smile form on Cas’s lips.

Dean became more eager, thrusting his tongue into Cas, nipping at the other boy’s lips. Cas gripped his forearm; probably leaving little bruises in the shape of a handprint. Dean liked it.

He rolled them over so Cas was lying on his back. Dean pulled up for air. He couldn’t help but smirk at the sight of the out of breath, swollen lipped Castiel below him. It was amazing and sexy and utterly beautiful.

Dean lowered his head and bit down on Cas’s neck. The boy moaned and shifted as Dean began sucking on his skin, trailing kisses down his neck and shoulders. The hand on his forearm began to drift lower and lower, until fingertips brushed against the growing bulge in his pants and-

Dean’s eyes shot open at the sound of the buzzing, and his vision slowly adjusted to the dark blue of the ceiling at night. He was in his bed. He had a dream. About making out. With Castiel. He slammed his head against his pillow.

After the one on one they had, Dean couldn’t get Castiel out of his mind. Every move he made - every little detail - had his attention. The way his hair glowed in the sun, the perpetual messiness it seemed to be, and how it always looked as if he’d just had sex. His chapped lips that looked so soft. The shapes his mouth made every time he spoke. How his lean hands arms seemed perfectly content to be still; Cas could be a statue, chiseled in the fashion of ancient Greek artists.

And his eyes; Dean would always be drawn back into his eyes. Even in the sea of blue he was forced into every day they still stood out. He never could pick a certain color for them: azure, cerulean, lapis. He never could pin them down, but he felt like staring at them until he could.

These thoughts were usually followed by a series of ‘what the hell are you thinking, Winchester?’ and pushing those thoughts away into the deep recesses of his mind.

But now it was hard to deny those thoughts happening when he was just woken from a very enjoyable dream about Cas by of the sound of Balthazar getting off in the next bed.

He tried to roll over, in a feeble attempt to block out his neighbor and go to sleep, but the moment he moved a spike of pleasure surged through his body. Dean froze. He was hard from the dream. Fuck.

Normally he would just take a cold shower, or even ignore the damn thing until it wilted away if he was desperate. But he was in no situation to do the first one, and the second one was not happening, not with the hot air and Balthazar’s pornographic noises and Castiel being in the fucking room.

His mind prompted him with a third option, but that was out of the question. He had never tried it before and there was no way in hell he was doing it with other people in the room.

He peeked over at Balthazar, who was nonchalantly watching Cas sleep as he jerked off. As if that wasn’t the creepiest thing Dean had ever witnessed.

Although, to be fair, he was hard because of Cas.

But the image was making him sick. And furious. He couldn’t stand being in the room any longer. He quietly and quickly as possible got out of the bed and removed himself from the room in a fashion he hoped would not reveal the erection he was sporting.

The humid night air was no help. He made his way inside the house, where at least it wasn’t gross.

He found himself wandering to outside Dick’s office, the low light making the green gentler on the eyes. He leaned back against the wall and breathed, trying to calm himself down. But his hand had other ideas and absentmindedly brushed over his crotch. A wave of pleasure crashed over Dean. A soft moan escaped his lips.

He looked down at erection bulging out of his silk pajama bottoms. He needed to deal with it, and what was so bad about experimenting?

He gently slipped his hand beneath the waistband and wrapped his fingers around his cock. He slowly pumped his hand up and down. Dean’s head hit the wall. This felt amazing. Why hadn’t he tried this sooner?

The remains of his dream and other images of Cas flooded his mind: Cas’s skin on his body; Cas’s mouth on his lips; Cas’s hand on his cock.

He bit his bottom lip to keep from making noise as he sped up his pace. His breath became shallower; he was gasping for breath.

A low moan was let out. Dean froze. He didn’t make that sound.

He heard another moan, distinctly female, and it seemed to come from Dick’s office. Dean pulled his hand out of his pants and wiped it on the silk.

He should just leave - it would be the smart thing to do - but curiosity got the best of him and he entered the office. It seemed to be empty, but as he approached the glass desk he could see two figures in pink lying on the ground. Or, more accurately, one was lying on the other while they stroked their bodies and kissed, a pair of tasers thrown to the side

Dean let out an involuntary gasp, breaking the two apart. The terrified faces of Charlie and Jo stared back at him. They scrambled to their feet and rushed to him, tasers in hand.

“Oh, my God! Please, don’t tell,” Jo begged.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he all but shouted.

Charlie tried to cover his mouth with her hand. “Shut the fuck up, you bitch,” she hissed.

He tried to push Charlie off of him, accidently knocking against her taser. It went off against Jo’s arm. She collapsed and dragged Charlie with her.

“Hey!” a voice belted from the hallway. Lilith burst into the room. Shit. “What’s going on in here?” She looked between the two girls rolling on the ground and Dean standing over them. “A little premature assimilation?”

Dean put his hands up in defense. “I didn’t do anything! It was all them! I swear!” It was a dick move, but he wasn’t going to get kicked out. Not when he didn’t do anything.

Jo and Charlie began shouting over each other. “He’s full of shit.” “Please don’t call my mom.” “Lilith we were just-”

“Charlie, I am really disappointed in you,” Lilith interrupted, shaking a finger at the girl. She shut her mouth with an audible click. “I thought you had what it took to get out of here clean.”

She glared at the two girls in disgust. “It’s time to wake Dick.” They gaped at her in fear. Lilith just rolled her eyes and grabbed their arms. “Come on.” She dragged them away. Charlie looked back at Dean, helplessness scrawled across her face, but she was immediately jerked away, leaving Dean in the dark office, alone.

\----------

It didn’t take long for the other campers to get wind of what happened. Most woke up from the shouting in the house. The seven of them knew that they wouldn’t be allowed in Dick’s office while he decided the punishment, but that didn’t stop them for sneaking outside and listening from underneath Dick’s bedroom window.

Dick’s slimy voice, growing shrill from the shouting, carried through the glass and closed curtains. “Whoever started this is out of this house. The other is really in the doghouse.”

“Not me,” Charlie replied quickly.

“I can’t go home,” Jo said. “They said it-”

“I am not interested in anybody’s sob stories. I can only help those who are willing to help themselves. Now, who started it? Someone has got to start talking.”

The teens, most of who had been looking down in remorse, looked to him. Balthazar and Raphael glared at Dean as he tried to listen. But Castiel? He looked at Dean, but more in disappointment than in outright anger. Dean was sure that was worse.

Jo eventually told Dick that Charlie had come on to her first. A long screaming match followed that, but it had been decided. Charlie had to leave. Dean saw Dick drag Jo outside after the fight. She was shoved into a tiny house, basically an ornate shed, and was going to be in there for at least a week. Solitary. Dean felt sick to his stomach. It was his fault she was there. It was his fault one of the few people he could call a friend was leaving. He didn’t sleep at all that night.

The next morning, while the campers were eating their breakfast, Charlie said her last goodbyes to the group. It was the first time Dean had seen her in regular clothing. She looked normal in her skinny jeans and green hoody, but he couldn’t help but notice the bags under her blood shot eyes. She gave a small wave to the group with the hand that wasn’t clutching her old beaten up suitcase; she was met with equally sad waves from the campers. Charlie turned and slowly walked away. Dean had no idea where she was going. He was sure she didn’t know, either.

He looked at the other table, full of the remaining campers minus Jo. He had been silently shunned to the far table. Everyone hated him, but all he could think about was how pissed Castiel must be. He didn’t dare look up at the boy in fear of seeing the fury and disappointment in his face. He picked at the rubbery eggs on his tray in silence.

“I just wish I could have seen those two girls in action,” Ruby smirked, before turning her head to Dean and glaring at him, “before dickhead over there went all Nancy Drew on us.”

Balthazar gave a nod. “If that little twink would’ve narced on me, heads would have rolled.” Dean looked up to see the boy shooting him down with his eyes. He shifted uncomfortably.

But, for some reason, Castiel spoke up. “What, would you tie him to your bed and zap him to death, or are you running low on batteries?”

The group chuckled at the outburst, and Balthazar sneered at the comment. Dean could only stare dumbly at Cas. He wasn’t really defending him, but he wasn’t making fun of him either. He had even shot down someone who was. It was unbelievable.

The group went back to their breakfast, but Cas looked over at him first, the smallest trace of a genuine smile on his lips. Dean shyly returned it. Cas pointed at Balthazar and made a sign for a pitcher of beer, mouthing ‘he’s drunk.’ Dean silently laughed at it. Cas leaned his cheek on his hand.

For the rest of breakfast the two had a private conversation with their eyes. Dean wasn’t sure how long it lasted. With Castiel, time stood still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where will it go from here? Find out next week. I'll be here. :)


	8. Step Four - Demystifying The Opposite Sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so I updated tags again; just adding minor ships.

Dean found himself and Cas falling into a natural rhythm so effortlessly that he was shocked they hadn’t found it earlier. They would partner up for everything they could, laughing and whispering with each other the entire time, much to the annoyance of Dick. Dean didn’t care; it was much more important to see Cas break into a toothy grin from a stupid joke he’d made.

He was becoming dangerously obsessed with the boy. He was having dreams about Cas practically every night. And during the day, he couldn’t help but smile when he was around. His heart would beat out of his chest, and he was sure everyone could hear.

Earlier in the day they had been forced to watch one of Dick’s slideshow presentations on how straight couples acted together, but they had gotten to chose where they sat in the room, and Cas and Dean had decided to sit right next to each other, shoulders and thigh touching. Dean had begun to zone out of the lecture when he had felt something solid and warm gently grasp his left forearm. He didn’t need to turn to know it was Cas’s hand on his skin, softly stroking his arm with his thumb. Dean forgot how to breathe for a moment. They had spent the rest of the lecture like that, protected by the dim lighting of the room.

After dinner they had retreated to the shed on the side of the house. Because they couldn’t answer any of the follow up questions to the lecture - due to being distracted - Dick had ordered them to clean up the outdoor equipment used by the boys. The fell into the steady rhythm of Dean whipping down the dirt covered things and Castiel putting them on their proper shelves.

“So, you miss your friends from home?” Dean asked, eager to break the silence that had fallen.

Cas smirked at him as he came back from shelving a baseball mitt. “Yeah. I just can’t decide who I miss more: the bulimic cheerleaders or the grunting apes in the letterma-”

He cut himself off, realizing what he was about to say. He looked over to Dean, apology written on his face, but Dean was on the verge of laughing.

“Go ahead, say it.” He turned to Cas and crossed his arms expectantly.

He smiled nervously. “I didn’t mean anything by that.” Cas grabbed the baseball on table next to Dean and went to the box in belonged to. “Um, I don’t have any friends,” he admitted. Dean’s smile dropped. That was unexpected. When Cas turned back to see the other boy’s confused expression, he simply shrugged. “What about you?”

Dean grabbed a baseball bat and began wiping it down with a towel. He didn’t have to look up to know Cas’s eyes were on him. “I thought I did,” he simply stated.

“Do they know you’re here?”

He gave a hollow laugh. “Oh, yeah. Just imagine them all staring at you like a freak, accusing you like that.” His eyes fell onto the bat in his hands. “Sammy, my little brother: only one with any sympathy.” There was a bit of grime that just wouldn’t come off. He rubbed against the area forcibly. “God, I miss him.”

“That’s rough,” Cas eventually sighed. To anyone else it might have sounded trite, but Dean knew what lay behind the words. There was no need to say anything more; Cas knew exactly what he was going through.

He was caught off guard when a set of fingers wrapped around his own and helped him rub out the spot. When satisfied, Cas gently lifted the bat from his hands and put in to the shelf. Dean smiled at him, and couldn’t help but blush when Cas smiled back.

\----------

When Dean entered the bathroom that night to brush his teeth, he had to blink a few times to be sure what he was seeing was real. Balthazar was done up in bright skinny jeans and a V-neck so low it barely covered his nipples. Raphael was decked out to the nines in a tight sequin dress and long black wig. They had even painted their eyes and lips.

But Dean’s breath caught when he got to Cas. He had on a tight fitting white button down and blue tie that made his eyes pop. Dark jeans hugged his thighs and nicely shaped his ass. And when the lifted his arms to ruffle his sex hair Dean caught a glimpse at the defined hipbones peeking out from the low riding jeans. He was walking sex, and Dean forgot how to speak.

He was eventually snapped out of it when the three of them stopped getting ready and stared at him. Cas was the only one to pleasantly smile. “What’s going on?” he finally choked out. “It’s almost lights out.”

Cas shushed him. “We’re sneaking out. Get dressed.”

“But Dick-”

“Fuck Dick,” he retorted.

Dean shook his head. “No way. There’s only four weeks left. There’s no way I’m getting thrown out now.”

Cas just shot him a mischievous smile. “Dean, they’re never going to find out about this. We haven’t had fun in forever.” Cas walked forward invading his space between the open door and the frame. His smile changed to something softer, sweeter, as he leaned against the wood and looked up into Dean’s eyes. Dean couldn’t help but grin back in amusement. Damnit. “Come on, we could use a little fun.”

“But what if we get caught?”

“We’re not going to get caught.”

Every inch of him was telling himself to go and get changed, that Cas was right and nothing would happen. And honestly, hanging out with Cas all night seemed like a fantastic time. But images of Charlie leaving played in his mind on repeat. He gave a small shake of the head, and he ached when Cas’s face fell.

“Fine,” he spoke, and Dean could hear the icy sting in the word. “If you’re not coming with us, at least don’t rat on us.” He passed through the doorway without looking back, Balthazar and Raphael following with flashlights in hand. Both gave him warning looks

Dean got right into bed and tried to sleep. For a whole five minutes. But nothing was worse than lying in an obnoxiously blue room with Michael snoring beside him while knowing Cas was having fun. With Balthazar.

Dean didn’t think he had ever gotten dressed so fast. He dug through the unused suitcase he had packed, full of flannels and a football uniform and other clothes that in hindsight he didn’t need. He had thought he wouldn’t be here for more than a day and would promptly head over to the football tournament. That seemed like such a long time ago. Dean shrugged on the only pair of jeans he had packed, a green Henley, and his leather jacket. He quietly and careful closed the door behind him, and made a mad dash in the general direction the others had went. If it weren’t for the rumbling of the engine, Dean would have missed the black van parked at the entrance to New Directions.

“Wait!” He called, and lucky enough the side door slide open and he jumped inside. A hand pulled him down into an open seat. He smiled when he realized it was Cas.

“Well, its about fucking time,” the boy grinned.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

He finally looked around at van, which included the four of them plus Ruby, donning a leather pants and jacket combo. There were also two unidentified men in the front seats wearing matching gray army uniforms with rainbow patches.

“Hi,” the smaller one turned around with a smile bursting from his face, the hint of a southern accent mixed in with his words. It was off putting to see a sweet, pleasant face with black lines painted under his eyes. “I’m Garth Fitzgerald-Lafitte. This is Benny Fitzgerald-Lafitte.” He pointed to the bear of a man with a determined expression driving the van. “Glad to have you with us.”

Dean glanced over at Cas to gauge his reaction; he just looked amused.

“You’ll need one of these,” Garth trailed off as pick shuffled through a stack of IDs. “May not be an exact match, but...” He handed one over to Dean. The man in the picture looked about thirty-five and had bleached blonde hair.

“First time you’ve been AWOL?” Benny asked. His accent was heavier than Garth’s. Dean nodded.

“Benny and Garth are ex-ex-gays,” Cas explained.

“From True Directions?” he asked.

Benny nodded. “We were among Dick’s ranks before we defected.”

“We’re just trying to provide you all with a balanced perspective to see that there are options,” Garth added. “In the end, it’s up to you whether you choose to live a-”

“Lie,” Benny cut in.

“Whether you want to be who you are, or keep it hidden is really more what we’re about.”

“So what, you run the underground homo railroad?” Cas snickered beside him. No one else seemed to amused,

“If that’s what you want to call it, brother,” Benny answered.

The van lapsed into silence as the drove to their unknown location.

\----------

Whatever he was expecting, it wasn’t a shady brick building in the middle of some city, surrounded by empty beer cans and other trash, with an illuminated rainbow sign that read ‘COCKSUCKER’. It was complete with a glowing red light and a giant rooster statue erected outside. Dean could hear the techno remixed songs from the alleyway. Inside it was deafening. The Dim lights and smoke filled air set the mood, but Dean could still see the scores of couples making out on the side. Same sex couples.

He turned on Cas. “You didn’t tell me you were taking me to a gay bar.”

“Where else would we go?” he retorted with a raised eyebrow. Dean only continued staring at him. This was a mistake. He shouldn’t have come. He didn’t want to get hit on by some dude.

Cas kept his eyes locked on Dean while he lit his cigarette. “I’m going to get you a drink,” he finally said before taking off for the bar in the middle of the room, leaving Dean by the door.

Dean was tempted to hang by the entrance the entire night, just to spite Cas, but he saw a group of guys out of the corner of his eye check him out. They were staring at him like he was a piece of meat and they hadn’t eaten in days. His stomach dropped slightly; he had never felt so defenseless.

Begrudgingly he made his way towards the dance floor in the back, angling around the couples shoving their tongues down their partner’s throats. The shitty music blared over him

_I want it_

_I want it_

_I want it_

_I want it all or nothing at all_

He sat down on one of the stools overlooking the dance floor. Ruby caught his eye as she ground down on some blonde chick.

“Are you okay?” He jumped as Castiel slide up beside him, two beers in hand.

“Yeah, just nervous,” he mumbled.

“Don’t be.” Cas passed one of the beers to him. He accepted it graciously. “Just be yourself.”

Cas shot him a small smile, and he returned it before taking a sip of the bitter liquid. Dean went back to scouting the dance floor. The other True Directioners all seemed to be themselves, dancing away. He and Cas stayed in companionable silence as the song ended and changed.

_Baby_

_You’re making me want you_

A cute guy with brown scruff caught his eye and winked at him. What did that mean? He ducked his head and took a sip of his beer, hoping the guy would ignore him.

But, just his luck, he sauntered over to Dean, walking to the beat of the music. A smile tugged at the man’s lips as he looked at Dean through his eyelashes. He was trying to seduce him.

He invaded Dean’s space, practically standing between his legs. “Hi. Would you like to dance?”

Cas answered before he could open his mouth. “Sure he does.”

Dean glared at Cas. Why was he throwing him under the bus? He didn’t want to dance with strange men. He wanted to talk to Cas. “No, I’m sorry. I can’t.” He turned back to the other guy and gave an apologetic smile.

The man’s face fell as he gave a sagging shrug. “That’s okay. Just thought I would ask. No problem.” He walked away from them, heading to the middle of the dance floor.

Cas shot him a patronizing look. “Too good for one dance?” He grabbed the bottle out of his hand. “You can’t dance with a boy for one second?” He placed his hand between Dean’s shoulder blades. His body tried to lean into the touch, but Cas was already pushing him forward off the chair. Dean glared back at him. Cas made a shooing motion in response. “Go ahead.”

Dean was shoved into the guy’s arms, but the man didn’t seem to put off by it. He gave Dean a smile as he wrapped his arms around his waist. Dean instinctively placed his hands on the guy’s shoulders.

“Sorry, I just don’t dance much,” he mumbled lamely.

“That’s okay,” the guy winked. “Aaron.”

“Dean.”

They swayed together, bodies pressed flush against the other. Aaron moved his arms up so he was clutching at Dean’s shirt and rested his head on his shoulder. They moved in a circle, and Dean knew he should have been caring about Aaron, but he could only keep his eyes trained on Cas. The other boy couldn’t keep his eyes off of Dean, either. He absentmindedly stroked his beer bottle. Something wasn’t right because the way Cas’s eyes were larger than normal and how the corners of his mouth were turned down would suggest that the boy was... _miserable_. But that couldn’t be right. It was Cas’s idea to come. It was Cas’s idea to have Dean come. It was Cas’s idea Dean was dancing with Aaron right now.

He was deep in contemplation for an entire rotation. When he glanced up to check on Cas again, he saw Balthazar stroll up to the guy and extend his hand. Balthazar said something - Dean couldn’t make it out over the blaring music - and Cas sat down his beer, took Balthazar’s hand, and followed him onto the dance floor.

What was Cas thinking? Balthazar was a slimy grease ball of hair care product and weird cologne. Cas was better than that.

They moved to the center of the floor, right next to where he and Aaron with swaying, and Dean swore the fucker smirked at him while he wrapped his arms around Cas. Aaron started to pet his hair in time to the beat, but it barely registered in his mind. He could only focus on the couple next to him.

As the two couples spun around Dean kept his eyes locked on Cas, and the other boy seemed to have the same idea. Cas’s face was blank, emotionless; Dean couldn’t read the damn guy. Which was incredibly frustrating since he wasn’t even trying to hide the anger and sadness at seeing him dance with Balthazar.

He tried to shake himself out of it. Why did he even care?

It was good question. Cas was his friend and nothing more. There was no reason to get all irrational over a small dance with Balthazar. Right?

His opinion quickly changed when Balthazar spun them around so Dean could get a clear view of the boy reaching down and squeezing Cas’s ass.

Dean couldn’t stand watching the show anymore. He pushed Aaron off of him and stomped out of the bar. He didn’t even know where he was going; he just had to get away. He shoved his way through the crowd until he came to a door. The cool night air, free of smoke and the stench of old beer, hit him like a wave. It helped calm the red that had taken over his vision.

What was he doing? The literal part of his brain supplied him with the knowledge that he was fuming in the alley behind the Cocksucker because he couldn’t stand the sight of Balthazar and Cas together. The question was why. He plopped himself down on a crate shoved up against a wall and dragged a hand down his face. What was he doing?

The techno music of the bar grew louder as someone opened the door and came out back with him. It softened as he heard the door click.

“Dean it’s not what you think.”

Cas was six feet tall, only a little shorter than Dean, but standing there alone at night, surrounded by the dumpsters, giving Dean something close to an apologetic look, he looked so tiny.

Dean laughed at him, hollow and cold, as he stood. He wasn’t in the mood for half ass excuses. “That’s why we came here, right?” he shot at Cas. “So you could be yourself.”

Cas gave him an adorably confused look as he came closer. Dean held his ground. “I don’t like Balthazar that way.”

“Which way is that? Clothed?” He knew he was being unfair, but he was so pissed off he couldn’t care.

“We weren’t doing anything.”

Dean let out a small _oh_. “When you were going like this,” he grabbed Cas by the hips and pulled the boy flush against him, “you weren’t doing anything.”

“I wasn’t.” Cas shoved Dean off. “I wasn’t doing that!” All pleasantness was gone. Cas was puffing himself up to try to match Dean’s height. He had never seen Cas so fazed and emotional.

Dean gave a sour at the ridiculousness of it, and at why Cas was trying to pick a fight with him, and at why he was even back here in the first place. “It even doesn’t matter,” he mumbled.

Cas was breathing heavily through his nose, trying to calm himself down. “Why are you freaking out,” he demanded.

And that was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it? Why did he care? The longer he was with Cas the less he wanted to know because he was becoming more and more sure he wouldn’t like the answer.

“It’s none of my business,” he deflected quietly. Maybe even remorsefully. “Do what you want.”

Cas blinked up at him, jaw tight. “You want me to do what I want?” he asked in a low voice.

“I could care less,” Dean snapped.

“What I really want?”

He couldn’t take this bullshit any longer. He took a step towards Castiel.

“Fuck y-”

He was cut off by a pair of hands grabbing the sides of his face and a pair of lips pressing forcibly against his.

Time stopped. Everything melted away, only leaving Cas pressed against him and his mouth moving against Dean’s own. Dean was sure his mind had stopped working, because if it were, he wouldn’t have kissed Cas back like his life depended on it.

People always told him kisses felt like fireworks. He had never believed that. After all, kissing Lisa was never that fun. But after kissing Cas, he could safely say that he was right. It was nothing like fireworks. It was so much better. Kissing wasn’t a single spark, one bang that flashed and then disappeared. It was like a waves of warmth and pleasure rolling through this body again and again, each time starting where Cas’s lips met his own and trailing down every nerve of his body. He grasped at the back of Cas’s shirt, dragging him closer until Dean couldn’t tell where he ended and Cas began.

As quickly as the feeling came it disappeared, and the world crashed back down on him. He was at True Directions to become straight. Kissing Cas outside a gay bar was the very opposite of what he was supposed to do. He was screwed.

He reluctantly broke away from Cas and dropped his head into the crook of the boy’s neck. Cas’s arms came up to wrap around him as they both caught their breaths. Dean breathed in Cas’s scent, spicy and fresh and something he couldn’t place, but reminded him of home. It was comforting. And Dean was being creepy.

He ducked away from Cas and sat down on the crates. Cas sniffed and sat beside him, wiping his hands on his pants. Neither one looked at the other.

Dean’s lips almost tingled, and as he ran his tongue over them he could taste Cas. He had never had this kind of sensation before, and he couldn’t describe it as anything but wonderful. Was that normal?

No, it wasn’t. He was supposed to feel it with Lisa. He wasn’t even supposed to be kissing Cas and comparing the two. He was an utter mess.

“I’m not supposed to like you,” he spoke quietly, eyes still trained on the ground.

He could feel Cas’s gaze on his face, studying and judging him.

“But?” Cas asked after a minute.

He glanced at Cas quickly before giving an embarrassed smile and returning his gaze to the dirty concrete below. “I wanna do that again?” he mumbled.

Cas tried to lean in, but Dean turned his head away. It wasn’t right. They were going to get hurt. There was no universe where starting anything with Cas was a good idea.

Dean shut his eyes do he didn’t have to see Cas deal with the rejection. That didn’t mean he couldn’t feel how he shifted uncomfortably next to him, or couldn’t hear how he coughed awkwardly.

He peeked over at Cas. He was chewing on his soft bottom lip in a way that could only be described as adorable. His eyes roamed over the messy hair and stubble. He paused at Cas’s eyes, which were staring straight ahead, still blue, but dimmer and downcast. He would do anything to see them brighten up.

That’s when it hit Dean. He wasn’t going to get over Cas, wasn’t going to get past him. He was obsessed with the boy; he would do anything for Castiel. Cas made him happy, and he was pretty sure he made Cas happy, too. He thought back to when he said goodbye to Sam. His brother had told him that’s what mattered, that stupid emotion, not gender. Maybe it was time he started listening to his brother.

So Dean, on a whim of bravery and hope, leaned across and caught Cas’s lips with his own.

The second kiss was softer and sweeter. It was a gentle glide of lips and soft caresses with fingertips. It was a lazy slide of tongues as they opened their mouths. There were no passionate grabbings or forceful presses. There was no need to. They had all the time in the world.

\----------

The ride home in the early hours of the morning was quiet. Ruby was worn out from the hours she had spent on the dance floor and Raphael had passed out the minute they got back into the van. Balthazar seemed content to glare into space.

Dean was perfectly fine with that, not that he cared what Balthazar did. He was too busy being content in Cas’s arms, laying against his chest as he tried to doze off. Every now and again he could feel the soft press of lips against his scalp, and every time he grinned up at the boy.

He smirked at Balthazar, earning him a disgruntled, “What are you looking at?” Cas just tightened his hold on Dean as he snuggled closer into his warmth.

Dean tried to imagine himself from a year ago. If someone had told him he would be cuddling with another dude in the back of a van coming back from a gay bar he snuck out to so he could get away from an overbearing conversion camp, he would have laughed in their face. Maybe even punched the person if they were being a jackass about it. But now it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. He decided to accept that as a good thing.

When they finally pulled back into True Directions, the kids did their best to silently slip back into their rooms. However, the window to Dick’s bedroom lit up as soon as the got on the porch.

“Dick’s coming,” Ruby hissed, and everyone dashed into their rooms. Dean shut the door with bang and leaped into his bed, pulling the covers up to his chin. Everyone else seemed to have the same idea.

It only took a few moments before he could hear the door swing open. Dean could feel a bright light hit his face. Dick was probably scanning the room. His eyes were squeeze tight. He was afraid to breathe.

After what seemed like an eternity, the door softly clicked shut, and Dean let out a long sigh. He heard someone get out of the bed, and the next thing he knew Cas was standing over him.

“Goodnight,” he whispered as he leaned down for a peck on the lips.

“Goodnight,” Dean returned as Cas left.

He couldn’t help the wide grin that crept up on his face. Even Balthazar’s creepy glare lit by his taser’s light couldn’t dampen his mood. Dean was finally happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally get to the love. :)
> 
> That was the longest chapter I have yet to write for this story. I hope you enjoyed my frustration. Comments, bookmarks, and kudos are always welcome. See you next week for the chapter 9.


	9. Defend the Heterosexual Way

“Come on, just... throw out the first thing that comes to your head, okay. Just - just think.”

The whole group sat awkwardly as Lilith tried to reach out to Ruby. They had been suck on the topic of her root, again, for who knows how long.

Dean knew both were trying to remain calm, but at this point Ruby couldn’t hide the exasperated sighs and eye rolls. Even Lilith’s ever-calm demeanor seemed to be reaching its limits.

“I already did,” Ruby whined. “Mine is just as good as anybody’s else’s.”

“I’m a heterosexual,” Raphael butted in. Dean looked over at them. Raphael looked as if they had an epiphany.

Lilith gave them a condescending look and a slight snicker. “Uh, not yet, honey. You’re almost there.” Lilith hardened her face. “And don’t speak out of turn.”

“No, I know, I’ve never been gay,” Raphael pressed, utterly serious. There were groans and eye rolls from the group.

Lilith pursed her lips. “Raphael, um, remember, you were molested. I mean,” she gestured at them and laughed out loud, “just take a look at yourself.”

Dean could see Raphael’s mouth begin to quiver and their hands shake. “I mean, everybody thinks I’m this big fag because I wear makeup and dresses and...” they trailed off as their voice cracked, “I’m not as masculine as other guys. But that doesn’t make me gay.”

Everyone’s eyes were on Raphael, but Dean knew no one really believed them.

“I like girls. I can’t help it. I just want a soft pussy in my-”

“Amen, brother,” Ruby cut in.

Raphael got up and made a dash for the door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Lilith demanded.

“I quit,” Raphael shouted back. Dean could hear the front door open and slam shut.

Lilith rolled her eyes and grudgingly rose from her seat. “Who in the hell is he trying to fool?” She called out to them as she left the building.

The remaining campers sat in awkward silence, not sure what to do. Dean glanced over to Cas sitting next to him, but the boy seemed to bored to care about the present situation. Dean took his hand and gave a light squeeze. Cas didn’t look at him, but Dean felt a small squeeze come back.

Suddenly, Cas dropped his hand. Dean wondered why until he looked over and saw Dick stomp into the room, fuming.

He sighed and studied them. “Group,” he began with a dangerous edge to his voice, “I have found something very disturbing this morning.”

He held up a small object for the group to see. It was a rainbow matchbox with ‘COCKSUCKER’ printed on the front. Oh shit. He was going to get caught. He was going to get thrown out. They were doomed.

Dean glanced over at Cas nervously. Cas’s eyes were locked on the box, his breathing becoming shallower.

“I would like to know who has been sneaking out with those smut-peddling recruiters.” No one dared to look Dick in the eye, even the kids who didn’t know about the Garth, Benny, and the Bar. “I want names.” Silence. “I want to know who is involved.” More silence.

Dick huffed, and he locked eyes on one camper. “Fine then, Castiel,” Dean’s head shot up, “what do you have to say for yourself?”

Cas’s eyes grew wide. “Why are you looking at me?”

“Because I found these under your bed,” Dick all but screamed.

Dean wanted to slap him. Cas probably took them for all the damn cigarettes he smoked. His stupid addiction was going to kill them.

Cas was shocked to a point of absolute stillness. He could have been made of stone, or maybe a store mannequin. It was inhuman, and Dean found it terrifying. He wasn’t even sure Cas was breathing.

“Do you have anything you’d like to confess?” Dick asked, patronizing obnoxiousness dripping from his voice.

That snapped Cas out of it. He blinked, as if coming out of a dream, and shook his head. “I didn’t sneak out.” It was delivered with such quiet fear and sincerity Dean wanted to believe Cas himself.

But the comment just caused Dick to point at him while a slow smile spread across his face. “But you know who did.”

“No, I don’t, but, um...” he whispered before trailing off and staring at his shoes. Something changed on his face, something so small that only someone close to Cas, like Dean, could see. His eyes shined brighter and a hint of a mischievous grin danced on his lips. He looked up at Dick. “I did realize something about myself last night that I was too scared to admit until now.”

Dick was staring at him skeptically, arms crossed and eyebrow raised. “Out with it.”

Cas let a shy, gentle smile creep up onto his face. “I have a crush.”

Dean forgot how to breathe. Cas was going to out them in front of everyone. Was he an idiot?

Cas turned to him, and Dean was ready to smack his hand over the boys mouth to shut him up, but when he looked into his eyes Dean could practically hear them say, _don’t worry_.

“On Anna.”

Everyone swiveled their heads to look at the girl. Her cheeks were red, her hands were fidgeting, and her mouth was trying and failing to suppress a wide grin.

Dick was beaming at the two of them, absolutely overjoyed.

“It was the first time I really felt something for a girl, you know? And it just,” Cas sighed, “it really proved to me the treatment’s working.”

Cas flashed his biggest bullshit grin, and Dick ate it up. The man pulled him up and gave a loving pat on the back as he put his arm around Cas’s shoulder and turned him towards the group.

“Now,” Dick beamed, “let this show you what determination has yielded: fruit!” Cas gazed Anna, who had placed her hand over her heart and practically swooned. He wanted to punch her for looking at Cas like that. “Now I want you all to look at Castiel’s strength and how he worked his way through this five-step program.”

Cas glanced at Dean and winked at him; he sent him a flustered look back. Rationally, he knew the entire thing was bullshit and he show be celebrating Cas’s ability to use it on the spot, but he still wanted to rip something apart.

The feeling instantly receded when he heard what Dick said next. “Oh, and by the way, I’m very disappointed in the rest of you, and I have scheduled a meeting with each of your parents.”

Everyone straighten up automatically. Eyes widened and mouth hung agape. Dick smirked. “If you can’t listen to me, then perhaps you’ll listen to them.

\----------

Dean and campers were forced to sit out on the porch while Dick and the parents interrogated who ever was up. They clasped their hands and chewed their bottom lips as the waited. Michael’s desperate voice poured through the open windows.

“No, I didn’t go to the Cocksucker. I’ve never been to the Cocksucker. I won’t. My cock sucking days are over. I am normal. Mom, Dad, you have to believe me. I swear I didn’t go anywhere.”

Cas glanced at Dean next to him. “You’re not going to tell your parents, are you?” he asked.

Dean knew why Cas was asking. It was him who was at fault for letting Charlie and Jo get caught. He had a history of telling at True Directions. He didn’t want to lie, but how could he give everyone up again? How could he give him and Cas up?

He was going to answer, but Michael walked opened the front door and called him in. Cas squeezed his hand - for good luck maybe - and he made his way inside.

It was mildly terrifying to walk into Dick’s office and see the man staring him down at his desk. It was worse with his parents flanking the man on either side. Sammy was nowhere to be seen.

He gingerly took a seat in the chair pushed out into the center of the room. All three adults studied his every move.

“Now, Honey,” his mom began, “your father and I both know that you didn’t have anything to do with that...” his mom trailed off, her face growing red.

“Field trip to the Cocksucker,” his dad finished. The disdain for every word he said was clear as day.

His mom nodded in confirmation. “But if you _had_ gone...”

“You have to know that you would be on your own.”

Dean gaped at his father’s statement. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, you can’t come home,” his dad replied gruffly. “We can’t allow you to live an unhealthy lifestyle under our roof.” His mom and Dick nodded in agreement.

Dean couldn’t believe it. They were acting like he was a meth head or something. What was so unhealthy about liking Cas?

“Dean, if that is what you choose, you’re choosing to cut us,” his dad looked to his mom, “out of your life.”

Minutes of silence passed by as the group stared at each other. Dean couldn’t believe it. He never thought his parents would threaten to disown him. He thought they loved him unconditionally. That’s what they always told him. Apparently that was a lie.

His mom clapped her hands to break the silence. “Well, great. Now, what do you want to tell us?”

Before he had entertained the possibility of telling his parents, because before it seemed he wouldn’t be punish. Now he schooled his features and looked his parents in the eye.

“Just that you don’t have anything to worry about,” Dean lied. “I’ve been missing Lisa a lot and can’t wait to see her again.”

His dad gave a sigh of relief. “Dean, that’s great. You just keep up the good work, and we’ll be back to see you graduate.”

“You’ll be home before you know it.”

Dean had to physically will himself will himself not flinch away from their goodbyes. He bit back every bitter remark he had for them. When he was sent outside to call Ruby in, he sat down next to Cas without a word. The boy had told him he did a great job and asked if he was okay, but all Dean could do was lean on his shoulder and process the knowledge he had acquired. He didn’t move for a long time.

\----------

Even after all the interrogations, which, predictably, amounted to nothing being told, Dick still wasn’t done with the punishment. He explained that it was the heterosexual responsibility to stop this immoral behavior at all costs. It must have meant a lot to Dick because he even pulled Jo out of solitary for the operation.

Dean could barely stand to see what had happened to her. Jo’s hair was matted and tangled, and dirt covered her entire body. Her nightgown, the same one from the night she was taken away, was torn and frayed. Dick didn’t let her bathe or even change before herding her, Dean, and everyone else on the True Directions’ pink van.

Apparently Dick was quite aware of Benny and Garth and their efforts to promote gay behavior. They had driven up right to their house - a cabin with the rainbow flag painted over the doorway - and set up a protest in the camp’s pastel colors and hateful message.

Dick handed out signs for them: ‘there are no fags in heaven’, ‘AIDS is God’s message to sodomites’, ‘just say no to homo’. Dean was forced to hold up ‘silly faggot: dicks are for chicks’. He felt sick, but took the sign anyway. The group chanted over and over at the poor house.

_Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!_

_Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!_

Dick’s voice blared over them as he shouted through his megaphone. “You have other options. Don’t you want to be normal?”

A kid with a pride shirt rode his bike up to the driveway of the house. He turned to the protest in disgust, roaming the crowd until his eyes locked down on Cas.

“Hey!” he called, “I know you! I saw you last night!”

Cas’s eyes went wide. He dropped the sign in his hands and reached down to grab a stone the size of his fist. He broke through to front of the protest.

“Hey!” he shouted. “Does your daddy know you’re a faggot?” To Dean’s horror he chucked the stone at the kid as he rushed the bike and himself inside. The rock bounced off the rainbow backpack he was wearing, and the boy quickly slammed the front door behind him.

The group cheered at Cas’s actions. Dick even chimed in with a “nice shot, Castiel.” Dean could only look in horror at him.

“What are you doing?” he hissed as Cas came back to pick up his sign.

“What if he saw us kissing? What do you want me to do?”

The chanting had started up again.

_We are here! We’re not queer!_

_We’re not going anywhere!_

It was immediately shushed when the hulking body of Benny tromped through the doorway, followed by Garth’s scrawny form.

“That’s it!” Benny boomed. “You better retreat! We’re comin’ out!”

All except Dean and Dick made a mad dash for the safety of the van. Dick at least held his ground with a roll of his eyes. Dean just didn’t know what to do.

Garth moved in front of his husband and wagged a finger at the man. “Is this what you teach now, Dick?” He yelled. “Throw stones from glass houses? You’re gonna have a lot of broken glass around you.” Benny gave an _uh-huh_ agreement.

“It’s part of the process, Garth,” Dick responded calmly through the megaphone. “It’s not easy for them.” With that, Dick turned on his heel and marched back to the van with his head held high. The point had been made.

Dean was left alone to stare at Benny and Garth as they made their back into the house. He wished he could apologize, but he didn’t have the right words or right strength.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who has read, kudos'd, bookmarked, and/or subscribed to this story. You are all amazing and wonderful, and I really, truly enjoy reading the comments. They make my day.
> 
> Where will I go from here? Find out next Saturday. Be there or be square.


	10. The Final Test

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE: I have removed all references to this being in California. I don't know why I put it in here. It was in my early drafts and I forgot to take it out. They are gone, and True Directions is in state ambiguity.

The weeks rolled by. It was more of the same: go through the motions of ‘heterosexual’ life, listen to Dick’s rants on homosexual behavior, try not to get caught. But now they had less than a week until graduation. Dean could see the light at the end of the tunnel. He was almost free.

And to be honest, the past few weeks hadn’t been that bad. At least, being with Cas had made them better. Because of their situation, they were taking this nice a slow: handholding under tables, slipping off to cuddle and talk in private, goodnight and good morning kisses. The farthest they had gone was a very heated make out session in the supply shed during after dinner clean up duty. Dean was very proud of initiating that.

The thing was, Dean wasn’t sure where he and Cas stood. Yeah, he loved kissing and touching and just generally being around Cas, but he didn’t know how the other boy felt. They never talked about feelings or titles or anything.

And then he always came to the dilemma that although every passing minute meant being closer to leaving True Directions, it also meant being closer to losing Cas. Dean had no idea how they were going to stay in contact after camp. They didn’t know where the other one lived; they could be states apart for all he knew. And trying to convince their parents that the relationship they built up at the camp full of homosexuals was strictly platonic would be difficult.

Dean didn’t even know if Cas wanted to continue with him after True Directions. No matter how many times he pushed it away, the thought nagged at him. Honestly, he didn’t know where he stood with Cas, and it terrified him.

Someone tapped on his shoulder. Dean shook himself out of his thoughts. He looked at Meg, who tried to smile sweetly at him, but it came out as a type of grimace. He couldn’t blame her.

Dick had decided that before the final assessment and step five drama, they should celebrate the progress made with a nice party. What that translated into was being forced to socialize and assume a mask of extreme heterosexual masculinity for three hours. It was horrible.

He looked over to Cas, who was cutting two slices of the cake Lilith had picked up. Besides being decorated with the logo, the flower had blue and pink frosting piped everywhere, and scrawled in the white base coat was ‘Straight is Great: Hang in There.’ Dean had rolled his eyes when he had seen the dessert.

Cas brought the two slices over to where Anna was standing by idly. She accepted one of the plates with an “Oh, thanks.” Dean couldn’t help but grimace at the sight. Ever since Cas’s save after the Cocksuckers, he had to hang out with Anna whenever Dick or Lilith was around. Which, unfortunately, was much too often. During the few moments they had alone, Cas would complain how, even though she was an interesting person to talk to, the girl was getting oddly attached to him. Dean had muttered something about her being a lesbian. Cas had pointed that she actually believed the shit spewed here. When he still pouted at the attention she got, Cas had kissed him until the frown turned upside down. Or at least until he kissed back.

Dean had to force himself to stop thinking about the memory. Someone’s going to notice the stupid smile on his face when he looks at Cas.

“You know,” Anna began, “you are so good at being straight.” Cas forced himself to give a short nod.

Cas wasn’t even paying attention to him. This was the worst.

“Wow, you have really big muscles,” Meg spoke. He raised an eyebrow at her comment. The girl had barely spoken two words to her since the first day. “Can I touch them?”

He was about to retort with an “Um, no,” until he realized Meg wasn’t looking at him, but desperately trying to catch someone’s eye. He turned to see the recipient was... Lilith?

Well, now that he thought back, it wasn’t that big of a surprise. If anything it was just hilarious irony.

He still felt weird awkward for being the bait between the two women. But Lilith seemed to be soaking up every move Meg made. Maybe he could play this game.

He put on his best flirty grin and gave a small _ah-huh._ Meg’s hand shot up and began stroking his bicep. He glanced over at Cas.

The boy was still conversing with Anna. Or rather, Anna was still talking at him. “I - I keep forgetting about, like, all these little things.” Something a cline to realization and regret crossed over her face. She smacked the heel of her palm to her forehead. “Get him the cake, get him the cake,” she muttered. Cas just kept on staring intently. Dean could tell this was obviously starting to get awkward for him.

Cas finally looked over to him. A flash of anger crossed his at the sight of Meg rubbing his muscles. Was Cas jealous?

“Can I give you a massage?” Meg asked him. She stepped closer. Their chests were nearly touching.

Dean nodded, and smirked at Cas as Meg dragged him towards one of the tables.

The other boy seemed to get what he was doing. He turned to Anna and put on a mask of interest. He must have spotted some food on her lip, or maybe he just made it up, but Cas licked his thumb and gently swiped it across Anna’s cheek. The girl looked like she was going to swoon. Dean was sure he looked liked he was going to barf.

He had to step up his game. Meg sat him down and took the position behind him. He figured Meg was going to make googly eyes at the Lilith the entire time, so why not have some fun with it himself?

At the first touch of Meg’s hands to his shoulders, Dean moaned. It exaggerated, overtly loud, and obviously very fake, but it got Cas’s attention. The boy snapped his head around to face him.

He glanced at Cas out of the corner of his eye. “That’s good,” he breathed. Cas’s jaw went slack. His eye’s never left Dean’s face. Anna continued speaking, but Dean was sure Cas didn’t hear a single word of it. A smirk slipped from his lips. Meg began pounding his shoulder blades. “Oh, yeah,” he sighed.

Anna must of have said something to grab Cas’s attention. He gave her a quick smile, but his eyes never left Dean.

“You’re really ... girly,” he sputtered out between Dean’s moans.

“Thanks.”

“I like that. Girly is good.”

Dean let an _mmm_ fall from his lips. “That’s nice, yeah...”

He winked at Cas, who glared back. But it wasn’t furious. If anything it felt seductive. Cas was so going to get him back for this. He couldn’t wait.

\----------

“You will all be graded in each category.”

The seventh remaining campers had been forced to sit down in a line at the amphitheater early the next morning. Dean wasn’t even fully awake yet, and Cas looked ready to murder someone. Dick and Lilith looked down on them, studying the exhausted group with their arms crossed and faces smug. The dreaded ‘final test’ was upon them.

“And those of you who pass will move onto step five,” Lilith continued as she glanced over at Dick. “Simulated sexual lifestyle.”

“And those of you who will be sent home,” Dick warned. There was no humor in his voice. “Girls with Lilith. Boys with me.”

Lilith and Dick nodded to each other, then turned to split the group off. They campers were tested on all the activities they’d been working on for the past weeks.

The girls had to cook a meal, clean the floors, hem a dress, and behaving like a proper lady during teatime. Anna had led the group with her natural ability to excel at domestic duties, while Jo faked her way through the chores. Ruby actually tried for once, but she still failed miserably at the tests. It got to the point where she threw her burnt chicken on the floor in frustration. Lilith did not look pleased as she marked the incident on her clipboard

Outside the boys were going through their challenges. Wood chopping went better than expected; there wasn’t a single axe-turned-projectile flying through the air. Each one of them had been able to fix the car, and although both of them got it done in a short amount of time, Dean thought he saw Dick mark him and Cas down for talking to each other the entire time. Most of the group had improved at football. He and Michael beat Cas and Balthazar easily, but Dean couldn’t tell if that was because of his natural talent or the fact Cas didn’t even try because he was too busy smirking at Dean the entire time.

That afternoon, when everyone had completed the evaluation, they were moved into the therapy room to write their essay entitled: “My Root and How It Prevented Me From Heterosexual Loving.” Anna had positioned herself right next to Cas, which pissed Dean off. Now he had to discreetly flirt with Cas around her. But either she was too engrossed in her writing to see it or didn’t care because she never even looked up at them. Well, except to smile shyly at Cas, which he politely returned, only to smirk at Dean once she looked back down.

Dean grinned and looked around the room. Everyone was rapidly filling the notebooks they were writing in. Dean couldn’t blame them; the quicker this was done the more free time there was. The group’s eyes were glued to their papers, except for Dean and Cas. And Ruby, apparently. Her eyes kept gliding over to Jo’s next to her, clearly copying what her neighbor had written. Dean rolled his eyes before going back to his own essay on how his dad’s unemployment made him gay. That wasn’t going to end well.

When everyone was done and the essays read and graded, the group was herded back out into the amphitheater, diligently waiting for the results. Dick’s frustratingly calm demeanor did nothing to calm Dean’s nerves. If anything, he was just getting more pissed off at the asshole.

Finally he addressed them. “Now, in order to successfully navigate the treacherous sea of temptation, one must first enter a life out of homosexuality.” Dick’s face contorted into a smile. “I’ve never seen such a determined group, and I am passing all.”

If Dean could he would hug Cas. They were in the clear. All they had to do was the fifth step and then they would be out. Nothing could be better.

Dick wasn’t done. He stepped up to a beaming Ruby. “All, but one of you.” Her she froze as Dick looked down at her in disappointment. “Ruby, you may pack your bags.”

She sat in shock, glassy eyes staring at the backdrop as Dick turned away and continued without another thought. “Now there’s cake in the kitchen. You’ll want to rest up for the simulation.”

Dick motioned to Lilith and both headed back into the house. The campers were left sitting in numb shock, staring at Ruby. Her breathing was shallow and her eyes were watering.

“I just wasn’t meant to be femme,” she whispered her voice beginning to crack. “I’m pathetic.”

Anna reached out to comfort her, rubbing soothing circles on her back. “No,” she murmured. “You should be proud of who you are.”

Ruby stared at her incredulously. “Hello.” They were in a conversion camp. That was the biggest bullshit pulled yet.

Anna tried to backtrack from her statement as Ruby shoved her away. “I - I mean, you’re not pathetic. You’re nice and - and clean and smart and sexy and soft and luscious and-”

“Excuse me,” Ruby cut her off before Anna could fall any farther into the dreamy head place she had gone into. “The last thing I need right now is some lesbo who just proved she’s straight telling my ass how sexy I am.”

Anna could only stare in fear as Ruby went off on her. The girl huffed as she rose and turned to face the group. She put on a sickly fake smile. “Congratulations - liars!” Ruby spat the last word, and everyone avoided her gaze. “You know who you are and you know who you want, and nobody’s gonna change that.” She glared down on the crowd. Dean knew she was right - going through this camp was pointless, but he need to pass. They all did. He didn’t dare say anything. Ruby just sighed, disappointment scrawled across her face. “Shit.”

She turned away and walked out to the house. The campers watched her fade into the distance. She didn’t leave as if making the walk of shame, like Charlie did. She strutted out, head held high, flipping off the pink and blue building as she faded into the distance.

\----------

Despite Ruby being forced to leave, a kind of peace had settled over True Directions. Everyone could feel how close they were to escaping. It left Dean both excited and anxious. He was running out of time with Cas.

He wanted to prove everything to him before they were forced apart forever. Dean didn’t know if he would be able to say the L word, but he need to tell Cas. At least prove it to him with actions if not words. But there seemed to be no time.

He had been sitting in bed for hours, staring at the ceiling as his worries swirled in his mind. He was never going to get to sleep.

He rolled to the side in an attempt to get more comfortable. He stopped when he saw that Cas was also awake, curled up in his blanket and looking at him. Even in the dim light Dean could see how the edges of Cas’s eyes crinkled and the corners of his mouth turned up. The moonlight falling in from the window landed on the back of his head. It created an ethereal glow around him. Cas looked like an angel.

Dean propped himself up on his arm to get a better view of the boy. A wide smile spread over his lips. Cas instinctively matched his expression as he sat up, still wrapped up in his blanket.

Dean quickly glanced at the clock on his bedside table. It was just a little before 1:30. No one would be up. Maybe he didn’t have all the time with Cas, but he had right now.

A seductive, mischievous grin spread across his face. Cas squinted as he tilted his head. Dean made an exaggerated attempt to look at the door and then back at Cas.

The other boy didn’t seem to react for a moment; he just continued to stare at Dean. But, slowly, Cas slipped off the bed and took his blanket in his arms. Dean followed suit, grabbing his blanket as well.

The silver moon illuminated the two boys as they made their way through the dark, hands clutched together for comfort. The dry grass and loose dirt pushed against their bare feet. Although neither said a word, both knew where they were headed. The main house was no longer considered a safe place to be alone, but that didn’t matter. They had a better spot.

Although it was old and the floor was covered in dust and dirt, Dean was comforted by the old supply shed. It was tucked away behind the building where no one would go looking. In a way it had become a safe spot for the both of them.

Cas laid his blanket out on the floor, smoothing the edges to get it as flat as possible, trying to create a cushioning barrier between them and the ground. Without a word he took Dean’s and unceremoniously dropped it on one end, creating a mock pillow. Cas sat in the center of blanket, staring up at Dean expectantly.

Dean suddenly felt his blood run cold. What was he doing? They were going to get caught. He was going to mess this up for Cas. He was already more experienced than Dean. He was going perform horribly and Cas was going to hate him.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by a small, “Dean.” Cas reached his hand out and Dean gingerly took it. Cas gently pulled him down and closer, until Dean was forced to kneel down and straddle Cas’s legs. He slowly ran his hands down Dean’s arms, only to bring them back up to cup his face. “It’s okay,” Cas murmured. His warm breath ghosted over Dean’s mouth.

Cas brought his lips down onto Dean’s, and he melted into the touch. He clutched the front of Cas’s shirt in his hands as his mouth roamed over Cas’s. Dean was sure that every touch, every movement was tender and deliberate. Cas was the most beautiful person he had ever known and he deserved to be worshiped.

Dean’s lips explored every inch of Cas’s face, kissing his forehead, eyelids, nose, cheeks, jaw. Cas tilted his head as he moved down to the neck, exposing the skin. He made a quick nip where the neck blended into the shoulder, low enough to be hidden by his shirt.

Cas’s breath hitched at the bite, and he let out a low moan at the languid lick Dean gave the mark. He instinctively bucked up into Dean, causing the other boy to hum against Cas’s skin.

He felt fingers move against his chest, and it took Dean a moment to realize Cas was trying to unbutton his shirt. He quickly went to work on Cas’s top, pulling at the silky fabric until they finally had skin-to-skin contact.

Dean gently pushed Cas back until he was lying down with his head cradled by the makeshift pillow. He looked up at Cas: his pupils were blown wide, his lips were swollen, and his cheeks were flushed with desire. He studied every detail, committed the image to memory; Dean didn’t think he had ever seen Castiel more beautiful and he was determined to never forget this moment.

Cas reached for one of Dean’s hands and brought it up to his lips, kissing the knuckles and nuzzling against the skin before leaning up to capture Dean’s mouth with his own. He smiled against Cas’s lips as they moved together as one force, one entity, one being. Their hands roamed across the great expanse of skin now open to them. Dean’s fingers trailed down Cas’s chest and stomach, grazing the smooth skin that covered his runner’s body.

As Dean traveled lower, his movements became slower and gentler, until he stopped at Cas’s crotch. He stroked the covered bulge, asking permission to go further. Cas hissed in his mouth and rocked into the touch. Dean gingerly pulled away from Cas’s lips. The boy flashed him a small look of distressed confusion, but it was wiped away when Dean moved back to slide Cas’s pajama bottoms off. His dick sprung up to lay against Cas’s stomach, already flushed red at the tip and leaking.

Dean suddenly came to the realization he had no clue what to do next. In theory it seemed very simple, but when it came down to the moment, his mind went blank. He had never done anything like this before. What did Cas expect him to do?

His thoughts were broken by Cas’s hands coming up to cup his face. He was greeted by the most compassionate expression he had ever seen. It was hard to place. Adoration, maybe, hopefully. Cas had sat up and placed himself in Dean’s lap. His thumbs stroked Dean’s face, grounding him in the moment.

Dean leaned forward to connect their lips, the hint of Cas’s stumble rubbing against his cheeks. Cas took Dean’s hand and guided in lower until it hit Cas’s cock. He had him wrap his fingers around the shaft and, slowly, pump up and down.

Cas moaned into Dean’s mouth, encouraging Dean to go faster. But he didn’t. He forced himself to keep with the slow tender movements. He needed Cas to understand how much this meant to him. Cas needed to understand how much he meant to him. Dean brought his other hand to Cas’s head, running his fingers through the soft tresses.

Cas’s hand eventually left Dean’s to instead grip the boy’s shoulders and back. The kisses had gotten more and more sloppy as the smooth glide of lips and tongue became Cas panting into Dean’s mouth. His hips were making small, involuntary thrusts into Dean’s hand, rocking against Dean’s own clothed erection, creating the sweetest kind of torture. Cas was falling apart, and Dean was in awe for every second of it. He broke the kiss to rest his head against the crook of Dean’s neck. He could feel Cas’s breath puff against his skin between his small moans.

Dean began to grow bolder, trailing his fingers up the shaft or reaching down with his other hand to roll Cas’s balls in his hand. He rubbed his palm against the head, gathering precum, and Cas bucked up wildly into him.

“Dean, I’m close, I’m-”

He cut himself off with a hitched breath as Dean sped up slightly, twisting his hand with every stroke. With a final flick of his wrist Cas came muffled shout. White stripes shot over Dean’s hand and their naked chests. Cas slumped into Dean as he worked him through his orgasm.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, the only sound being Cas’s pants as he recovered, holding each other close so they wouldn’t slip away.

Finally Cas gazed up at Dean, his eyes shining with mischief. With a tender kiss he pulled Dean down and carefully rolled them over, so Dean was on the bottom. Cas ran his hands down Dean’s sides and rubbed against his straining pajama bottoms, and Dean let out a low moan at the touch.

Cas began to travel lower, mouthing at Dean’s neck and moving down to his chest. He made a trail of soft kisses growing closer and closer to his tented pants. His breath hitched with every touch of lips. When he reached the last article of clothing, Cas looked up at him through his eyelashes, the bright blue irises capturing all his attention. Cas held his gaze as he slowly, teasingly pulled off the bottoms. He hissed as the cool night air surrounded his dick. Dean closed his eyes, waiting for Cas to touch him.

But Cas’s mouth and fingers never touched his cock. Instead, he felt teeth graze his left hip. He glanced down to see Cas nip at the soft skin. He moaned as Cas began to suck at the spot, creating a dark bruise. Cas moved lower, kissing and licking the insides of thighs, even going as far as to lift Dean’s legs onto his shoulders, but avidly avoiding his dick. It was driving him crazy.

He nearly sobbed with relief when Cas kissed the head of his cock. A spark of pleasure rippled through his body. He thrusted up into Cas; he needed more. Cas gave a small chuckle at his desperate movements before holding his hips down and mouthing the shaft. Dean could feel his breaths becoming shallower as Cas licked a stripe up his cock. He swirled his tongue around the head before engulfing his entire dick in one swift move. Dean swore he saw stars.

A hand automatically went to wrap itself in Cas’s messy hair, and the other clutched the blanket for dear life as the boy began to bob his head. Dean’s senses were on overload. Every inch of him was burning with pleasure, but it wasn’t enough. Cas was torturing him with the tender movements, and he wasn’t sure how much longer he would last.

Cas kept going, alternating between sucking and bobbing. A coil of heat began swirling in his lower abdomen. He could barely breath: he was gasping between his ragged moans.

Cas sank all the way down and hummed, and it was all over. He came into Cas’s mouth with the boy’s name on his lips. Cas swallowed it all, came off of Dean’s cock with a soft ‘pop,’ and crawled up to lay beside Dean. He cast a shy smile at Dean, strange considering what they had just done, but Dean didn’t hesitate to smile back as he caught his breath. The high of orgasm still flowed through him. Why hadn’t they done this sooner?

The two laid in silence, Dean wrapped up in Cas’s arms. The sounds of the night continued on, but it seemed so far away. They were in their own world.

It was a long time before Dean spoke.

“Cas,” he asked softly. Cas, who had looked as if he had fallen asleep, opened his azure eyes. He looked so beautiful, with his blissed out glow and rumpled sex hair. Dean absentmindedly smoothed down a particularly wild section of hair.

“That was amazing,” he sighed, lost on how to properly articulate every emotion bursting inside of him. “You’re amazing.”

“So are you,” Cas whispered before going in for a kiss again, surprisingly chaste considering what they had just done.

“I never felt that way before,” he murmured, almost too quiet to hear. “Except...” he trailed off, burying his face in his arm. Cas wasn’t going to want to hear.

But Cas was staring intently at him. “Except for what?” he prompted.

He gazed into Cas’s eyes. “Don’t laugh, okay?”

The look Cas gave him was so genuine it made his heart break. “I won’t,” he promised.

Dean took a deep breath and let a warm smile spread across his lips. “Except for when I was playing football.”

He didn’t miss the snicker erupt from Cas, and Dean’s face fell. “Really,” Cas asked, desperately trying to school his features. It wasn’t working.

“I’m serious,” Dean stated. “So it sounds stupid to you, but I really love it.” The condescending smirk playing on Cas’s lips disappeared. “Football’s the one thing that’s kept me happy.” He paused, letting himself get lost in past. Football was the only thing he really ever felt good at, the one thing that he made his life. At least before he went here. Now he had Cas.

“It’s exhilarating,” he finished.

Cas stared into his eyes, contemplating what he’d just said for a minute. “I would love to see you play.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “You have seen me play.”

“No, but on a big field with an actually uniform. I would even sit with the crowd and do one of those _chants._ ”

Dean turned away. “Don’t make fun of me.”

“I’m not. I’m not. I swear.” Cas stroked his arm, trying to get Dean to look at him. He sighed softly. “Don’t you think maybe I’m just jealous that you love something?”

Dean slowly turned to face Cas and the small, shy smile he wore. He couldn’t help the matching one that grew on his lips. He reached down to lace his and Cas’s fingers together.

Cas’s warm smile transformed into a playful smirk. “I would also like to see you cheer, but -”

“Asshole,” Dean cut him with a whisper and a light shove, but the two dissolved into a fit of giggles. Dean surged forward to captured Cas’s lips with his own. Cas cradled his head and arms, wrapping around him like a shield; Dean pulled Cas into himself until he was sure they had become one person, and he never wanted to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive me for the probably very awkward sex.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has shown their enjoyment of this fic in some way. It warms my heart. Update is next Saturday. See you then.


	11. Consequences

“Get out of bed, you hormonal slut!”

Dean’s eyes shot open to reveal Dick, Michael, Balthazar, Jo, and Anna all glaring above him, surrounding his bed so he had no way out. Dick was shouting at the top of lungs.

“I can’t believe you did this! You were supposed to be the role model!” His eyes and veins bulged.  Now get up right now!”

Dean stared blankly at them, helpless in the situation. “What did I do?”

Balthazar laughed and his face twisted into a smirk. “A little sleepover with Castiel.”

The memories of the night before flooded his mind. Going out to the shed, having sex, Cas being in his arms, coming back in the dead of night, stealing lustful kisses because the were reluctant to leave. Dean had thought they were careful; nobody could have seen them.

But Balthazar must have been awake and ratted them out. He was no better than Dean. Worse, actually, because Dean’s was an honest mistake while this was purely out of spite.

Dean barely heard Dick order him to get dressed. His blood was pounding, his muscles contracting. All he could see was red. He lunged at Balthazar, knocking the scrawnier boy to the floor. He couldn’t fully comprehend what he was doing, so caught up in the utter fury boiling inside of him. He only came back to his senses when he was being pulled off. Balthazar’s face was bloody, and his own knuckles stung like a bitch.

“Jo, take him and some clothes to my office and watch him until I have time to deal with this.”

One set of arms holding him back let go while the other, probably Jo’s, pushed him out the door towards the house. When they finally reached the green office, Jo dumped a bundle of blue clothing on him and stood back.

“When you’re done changing I’ll help you wrap your hands,” she muttered. Dean glanced down at the back of his hands. They were bleeding. He hadn’t even noticed.

Dean quickly shrugged on the clothing, not that he thought he’d need it for too long. There was no way he would be able to stay at the camp. Soon he’d be back in his own clothes, heading out to who knows where.

He looked up a Jo, her backed turned away to give him some privacy. The grime and dirt that had engulfed her during her stay in solitary had been washed away, but the haunted look in her eye had never left. Since coming out Jo had barely said two words to Dean. He didn’t really blame her.

“It’s okay, I’m done,” he tentatively called out. Jo turned to face him, her expression hardened and cold. Keeping her attention on him, so moved to Dick’s desk and fumbled through the drawers until she retrieved a roll of white bandages. She moved into Dean’s space. He felt a tug on his hand and let Jo take control to wrap the bleeding.

“Thank you,” he finally whispered. Jo only gave a noncommittal hum in response.

Dean sighed. “I’m sorry.”

Jo’s hands stopped moving, although she didn’t look up at him. Dean took that as a sign to continue. “It was horrible and wrong. I wish Charlie was here so I could apologize to her as well, but I guess that’s my own fault.” He ran his unoccupied hand through his hair. “And now I’m being sent away. That’s irony for ya.”

“It’s not irony.” Dean was startled by Jo’s interruption. He hadn’t actually thought she would respond. “If anything, it’s more like poetic justice,” she said with a small, sad smile. “Not that I would actually wish this on you. No matter what you say or do it’s going to be the wrong choice.”

“You’re not mad at me?”

She gave a low chuckle. “Oh, I’m still pissed, Winchester. But I know what you and Castiel are gonna go through, so consider it a truce.”

When she finished wrapping the knuckles she held out her hand. Dean cautiously took it in his own and gave it a firm shake. For the first time in weeks she actually smiled at him, wide and toothy and full of warmth and maybe even friendship.

Then Jo’s eyes glanced behind him and her face fell. “Jo, you are excused,” Dick’s grating voice called from behind him. Jo gave Dean’s hand one final squeeze before she scurried out of the room.

“Sit.”

Dean lowered himself into the ugly chair as Dick took his time strolling to his desk, leisurely sitting down and evaluating him. He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. Dean hadn’t felt so small in a long time.

“What am I going to do with you?” Dick asked, his voice somber. “You, of course, understand what your little adventure has cost you. You’ll be removed from the program and the premises at once.”

“I understand,” Dean replied.

“And, of course, your parents have made it very clear that your are just not welcome home anymore. I even called your father and he said he had nothing to do with you, so you will be left to your own devices.”

That reminder stung, but it was going to be fine. Cas was in the same situation, so as long as they were together he’d be fine. They could handle anything. They could get jobs, own an apartment, start a life together. They would be okay.

Dick interrupted his planning. “I mean there may be one thing that you can do where we could work out some kind of deal.” Dean could feel his face scrunching in confusion, and he could only assume Dick didn’t notice because the man continued on. “I’ll let you stay and graduate with the rest of your class, but you must do me one favor in return: partner in simulation with Meg.”

Dean’s mouth fell open. He knew simulation wasn’t technically sex, but it was close enough to make him feel nauseous. There had to be laws against things like this. And Dean knew it wasn’t only about him; Meg wasn’t acting straight enough for Dick’s liking and need to be fixed as well.

It wasn’t going to fix anything. He’d end up doing it and still love Cas.

Holy shit. He really did love Cas. And he wasn’t going to lie about it or abandon him. His family already said they didn’t want him. There was no reason to even be at the camp anymore. And as Dean looked Dick in the eye and told the bastard that he’d take his chances in the real world, he knew that he was finally doing something right.

\----------

He had been sent off to collect his things and change out of the awful shorts and polo’s he’d been forced to wear for the past two months. But despite it all, he couldn’t help but smile. He and Cas failed. So what? They could be happy together, away from the suffering at the camp, and everything would work out.

Dean didn’t know what they had done to Cas. He didn’t know that they had woken him earlier, silently rushed him out of the room, and forced him to sit with Lilith while they interrogated Dean. And Dean couldn’t have known that Cas’s parents had a much greater interest in seeing to the oppressive discipline of their child, and had come in for the final meeting in Dick’s office.

Dean wasn’t there when Dick told him, “We’ve lost Dean. He just wasn’t strong enough, but you still have a chance to save yourself. It’s your choice: you can run off with Dean and become a flaming faggot, or you can do the simulation and graduate and lead a normal life.”

He didn’t hear Cas’s father threaten him. “There is no choice. You came here to graduate and that is exactly what you’re going to do.”

Dean didn’t hear Cas’s step mom manipulate him. “This is exactly why your mother left. Are you ready to lose your father?

He didn’t realize that Cas loved him, but he couldn’t just leave everything behind without a plan. He didn’t openly go against the system, he worked it to his advantage, and he was too scared of the future.

Dean only saw Cas’s parents smugly stroll out of the house with their pretentious heads held high with Dick and Cas following behind. Cas wouldn’t meet his eye.

“Then it’s settled,” Dick announced to the exiting group, but he kept his laser focus on Dean. “Castiel will partner with Meg in simulation. Dean, you’re out.”

Dean’s breath caught in his throat. No, no, no. This couldn’t be happening. Cas was the brave one, the rebellious one. Cas was supposed to come with him. Cas was the whole reason he was doing this.

Cas finally looked at him, eyes wet and red. The boy’s mouth moved, but no words came out. He gave a short shake of his head before pushing past dean to head back to his room.

As he watched Cas disappear, a fire boiled inside of him. How could Cas betray him like that? He gave everything for that boy, but in the end he still only cared about saving himself. Dean felt used; he felt dirty.

Dean couldn’t stand it any longer. He ran, down the steps of the old house, through the dirt patch they called a parking lot, past the fence to freedom. He forced himself not to look back, because even if he only did it once, Dean wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep going.

\----------

Dean could only think of one place to go, and he wasn’t entirely sure they would let him in. But it was worth a shot. He knew that Garth and Benny’s was just down the road, but he had gravely miscalculated how far of a walk that was. It was dark before he reached the house, exhausted and frustrated with life.

He trudged up the front steps and gave a firm knock on the door. Through the front window he could see the boy Cas had thrown the rock at approached. When he noticed Dean he stopped in his tracks.

“What do you want?” he sneered.

“I need to talk to Benny and Garth.”

The boy raised an eyebrow. “But you’re from True Directions.”

“Yeah.” The kid walked away. Dean began banging on the door. “Hey, not anymore!”

The kid didn’t come back. Dean ran a hand down his face, staring up at the sky as if it had the answers. Suddenly, the front door opened and the hulking form of Benny appeared.

“Alright kid, get in here. Move your tush.”

He ushered Dean into the living room, complete with rainbow striped walls and gay paraphernalia of every shape and size crowding the space. The room had warm lighting and worn, yet comfy furniture, mismatched from different second hand stores. He parked himself on an old leather armchair across from the white love seat Garth and Benny were lounging on. The other boy, who Benny referred to as Kevin, went to go make some tea.

Dean explained everything, how he had been sent to the camp, fallen for Cas, and gotten kicked out. He tried to gloss over the parts with Cas as best he could. An aching pain in chest appeared every time he thought of the boy. Both men sat with rapt attention, their expressions caring and nonjudgmental. It was a refreshing change from True Directions.

“I can’t go back,” Dean concluded with a sigh. “I thought you could teach me how to be gay: what they wear, where the live, you know.”

Garth looked up at his husband in confusion before turning back to Dean with a concerned look. “Uh, Dean, we can’t help you with that.”

Dean could feel his shoulders slump. Of course they weren’t going to help him. Why would anyone want to?

Garth must have seen the change because he pulled away from Benny to pat him on the leg. “Dean, there’s not just one way to be gay. You just have to continue to be who you are.”

Kevin returned with a tray of mugs with designs ranging from rainbow flags to the word ‘QUEER’ typed out in bold, black letters. A girl entered behind him wearing rainbow pajama bottoms and a princess Leia tee. When she spotted him the redhead let out a squeal.

“Charlie?” he sputtered out as he stood up in shock. She rushed over to him and pulled him in her arms, squeezing more fiercely than Dean ever thought she could. Dean was elated to see Charlie again, but was more confused than anything else. “You’re not mad at me?”

She snorted and gave an even tighter squeeze. “Of course not,” she mumbled into his shoulder. “Thank you so much for saving me from that place.”

Dean pulled away, beaming. “What are you even doing here?”

“I live here.” Charlie’s face sobered slightly as she looked beyond Dean to Garth and Benny. “Or at least until I find a way to make it on my own.”

The men cast a warm, paternal glance Charlie. “Thanks for the consideration,” Benny stated as he wrapped his arm around Garth, “but you are welcome here for as long as you need.”

Garth absentmindedly put a hand on Benny’s leg as he leaned into the man. “Now Charlie, how about you show Dean his room.” She nodded as she grabbed his hand and pulled him down the hallway to the last doorway on the right.

Unsurprisingly, the cramped room was just as rainbow colored as the rest of the house, with a pop art painting and colored lights arching over the white window frame. Charlie, upon entrance, plopped down on his multicolored bed with numerous mismatching pillows, leaving Dean to drop his suitcase by the door and hop onto the long dresser opposite the bed. Dean glanced around the tiny space; there wasn’t much else to look at.

It seemed to be nicer than true directions. He didn’t have to worry about changing in front of anyone else. But he couldn’t get excited about his situation. He felt empty, or that a huge part of him was missing. A Cas-shaped piece of him was missing.

“It’s way better than T.D,” Charlie grinned. “We all get our own rooms and curfew’s midnight.” Her gaze trailed up the wooded walls. “We do have to share bathrooms.” Her nose scrunched up. “Well, not at the same time, of course.”

“Course,” he parroted, staring at the road through the open window. Somewhere down it was Cas.

Charlie gave him her best attempt at reassurance. “Come on, it’s gonna be okay,” she said softly.

Dean shook his head. “No, it won’t.” He let out a long, surrendering sigh. “He was supposed to leave with me,” he whispered, almost too quiet to hear.

But Charlie did hear it. She shot up, a mischievous grin spreading across her face. “Whoa, slow down. Who?”

Dean bit his lip. It was one thing to tell Benny and Garth, who only had met Cas once and had only wanted context to his appearance on their doorstep. But Charlie knew both of them and would certainly hound him for details. On the other hand, she was the only person who actually understood what he was going through.

He caved.

“Cas.”

“I knew it!” she practically screamed, painful to his ears. Charlie squealed while bringing her hands to her face, hardly blocking her enormous smile. “He was into you from the start.”

Dean couldn’t really believe that. Cas had hated him, and made a point of it every day for the first few weeks. He thought back to the teasing and snarky comments. Maybe that was Cas’s weird way of flirting with he, like when adults tell little girls that boys pick on them because they like them. That theory was bullshit, but maybe Cas bought into that idea. If that were the case, the boy definitely needed a lesson in proper social interaction.

But Dean still didn’t really know Cas’s feelings for him. Cas actually caring about him and that morning’s behavior just couldn’t add up. “Then why didn’t he come with me?” Dean demanded.

Charlie shrugged. “Maybe he was scared.” Dean responded by looking out into the night. Charlie sighed. “Believe me, you’re better off here.”

Neither had anything else to say, and after a while Charlie left with a quiet “goodnight,” but Dean didn’t move. He only kept staring out at the sky, hoping that somehow Cas would be able to hear his thoughts so he would know just how hurt he was and just how much he still cared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the person who sent me the message about being happy they weren't caught, I'm so sorry. But I gave you Charlie, so I hope that helps.
> 
> Thank you to all my readers for sticking with it so far. See you next week for chapter Twelve.


	12. Step Five - Simulated Sexual Lifestyle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING PLEASE READ:
> 
> While there is not actual sex in this chapter, there is sexual content that is dub-con/non-con. I don't want to trigger anyone. If you don't want to read it, just skip the first section and pick up reading after the first break. What happens is Cas and Meg are forced to do the sexual simulation together and both are upset by it. Cas realizes he shouldn't have betrayed Dean, but takes his punishment for doing so. He's sure Dean hates him now.

Castiel was regretting every decision he had made in the past twenty-four hours. He had groveled to his parents for forgiveness, sold out Dean (who probably hated him now), and had agreed to do the simulation. In hindsight, he really should have just told everyone to go fuck themselves while he ran off into the sunset with Dean. Hindsight was a bitch like that.

He pulled at the cotton unitard where it was riding up, all very uncomfortable places. Legally, the simulation couldn’t be done naked, nor did anyone want it to be, so Dick had decided to force them into flesh colored body suits with fabric leaves sewn on to cover the private bits. Castiel felt ridiculous, but if it was any consolation, every other camper felt the exact same way.

His eyes scanned down the short line campers until he fell onto Balthazar. Castiel had outright refused to speak to the boy since Lilith told him he was the rat. He had wanted to pulverize the scumbag, but it looked like Dean had already beaten him to it. Balthazar had black eye and nasty cut on his cheek and a bandage over his mostly likely broken nose. He wasn’t going to forget this anytime soon. That was something to be thankful for.

“Castiel.” He instinctively turned his head to the source of the voice. It was Dick nagging through a megaphone. “Pay attention.”

Dick surveyed the playing space: a set of a picturesque house interior with kitchen and bedroom. Meg was stationed at the kitchen, supposedly cooking or cleaning, while Castiel was waiting to enter through the front door.

“Action, Castiel.”

He opened the door and cautiously entered the space, hardly stepping in as he closed the door behind him. Castiel could feel his breaths becoming shallower and quicker. His palm felt slick against the metal doorknob. Every part of his brain was screaming ‘No! Wrong! Don’t do this!’ He stared at Dick, praying he would accept his transparent fear as an apology and let him out of this, but Dick just motioned for him to step in further.

He took in a quick breath before stepping up to Meg, who also appeared stiff and uncomfortable. “Now,” Dick ordered through the megaphone. “Lean in and kiss her.”

Castiel awkwardly placed his hands on her biceps, leaned down, and placed his closed lips on her mouth. Wrong. This felt wrong.

“Nice, Castiel. Now feel how soft and vulnerable she is.” He began sliding his hands up and down her arms, neither one moving their lips against the other.

“Isn’t it wonderful?” Dick asked. Castiel gave a slight nod in response, his mouth still on Meg’s.

“Now, Meg, let him take the lead.” Castiel took Dick’s warning tone as his cue to actually start kissing her. He let his mouth slide open, slotting her lips between his own as he pulled back slightly. Stop it. No. “A little tongue.” Castiel did so. Wrong.

Castiel did everything in his power to conjure up the image of Dean. Meg was close to a foot shorter and soft where Dean was firm, but if he could block her out he might get through it.

Dick kept talking while Castiel started to fully make up with her. “She loves you. She wants to be with you, the way God intended. To be around you. Your love muscle thrusting-”

Meg pulled off of him in disgust. She glared at her dad. Castiel just stared in shock. How was this his life?

Dick rolled his eyes and motioned for them to continue.

Castiel had enough of the kissing. The sooner they got through this the sooner he wouldn’t have to think about it.

He grabbed Meg’s hand and pulled her into the bedroom. She crawled up unto the heart shaped bed and lay down, looking up at Castiel. He gingerly crawled up onto the bed and let his entire weight press on top of her. Pretend its Dean. Pretend its Dean.

“Okay now remember that sex is fun.” Dick continued. “We’re making love. There’s nothing dirty about it. Sex is beautiful when it’s between a man and a women.”

Castiel barely suppressed a eye roll as he awkwardly rolled his hips against Meg. Try as he might, he couldn’t stop thinking about how the body beneath him was so obviously female and not male. He couldn’t be aroused if he wanted to. He looked down at Meg; her features were schooled, but her eyes revealed how upset she was. Castiel couldn’t blame her.

“Okay, now from this position, the woman will spread her legs, opening like a flower.” Castiel rolled to the side as Meg begrudgingly opened her legs like she was making a snow angel. “That’s wonderful, Meg,” Dick rejoiced.

“Now at this point the man will insert himself into the woman.” This was the moment. Castiel crawled over Meg, kneeling between her legs and placing his hands on either side of her shoulders. He took another steadying breath before making a mock thrust into her, bending his arms slightly with every movement as if he was doing push ups.

Everything about this was wrong. He should have gone with Dean. This was his punishment for being a coward. He deserved it. With every thrust he whispered to Dean. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Castiel could feel tears in his eyes, already on the brink of flowing over. He closed them, trying to school his features. At least this way he wouldn’t have to see Meg.

Dick was still encouraging him. “Yes, Castiel, that’s it!”

“Uh, Mr. Roman,” Balthazar called from the side. Castiel could feel a tear spill over and roll down his cheek. Why did Balthazar have to say something? Why did he have to remind him this was not only the most degrading thing he’s done, but there are four other teenagers watching him?

“What is it, Balthazar?” Dick asked with a sigh.

“What about foreplay?”

“No!” he nearly screamed. “Foreplay is for sissies. Real men go in, unload, and pull out.”

“Dad!” Meg yelled, pushing Castiel off of her.

He fell back against the bed. They were done. They were finally done.

\----------

“Dean!”

He nearly cried in relief at the voice on the other end of the phone. He hadn’t seen Sammy for weeks, and once he was kicked out he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to again.

“Sammy, you don’t know how glad I am to hear you.”

“Dean, what happened? Dad got a weird phone call yesterday morning and said you weren’t coming back.”

Dean let out a long sigh as he ran his free hand through his hair. “Yeah, I got kicked out.”

“Great then come home,” Sam exclaimed.

“I can’t,” Dean shook his head, only to realize Sam couldn’t see it. “Mom and Dad visited me about a month ago and made it very clear that if I don’t graduate then I don’t get to come back.”

“That’s bullshit,” Sam spat, and Dean had to let out a small laugh at that. God, he missed his little brother.

Both boys were silent for some time until Sam piped up again. “If you don’t mind me asking, why did you get kicked out?”

Dean adjusted Benny and Garth’s phone against his ear. “I met someone.”

“Oh my God, Dean.”

“What?”

“Only you could be sent away to a place like that and have a romantic adventure,” Sam flatly replied.

Dean huffed indignantly. “Hey, I wasn’t the only one.” He could practically hear Sam roll his eyes.

“So what happened next?” his brother asked.

Dean shrugged. “I got caught.”

“Doing what?”

The memory of asking Cas about his past relationship flashed in his mind, when he had realized his feelings for the boy may have been something more than platonic.

“What do you think?” he replied.

They both lapsed into another short silence. “Are you safe?” Sam finally asked.

“Yeah,” he answered, giving an automatic nod. “These guys Benny and Garth run this kind of safe house. I’m here with a friend.”

“That’s good.” Sam paused. “I know Dad said you couldn’t come back - and I’m only going to say Dad because we both know that if he wasn’t in the picture Mom wouldn’t have even sent you there in the first place.” Dean didn’t know if he could argue with that point, so he remained silent. “Anyway, you can’t come here, but maybe I could find away to visit you and your boyfriend or whatever.”

Dean gulped audibly. He knew Sam had no clue what Cas had done to him, but it still hurt to think about. He pushed it aside to focus on the important part: Sam visiting.

“That would be awesome. Maybe come down to the area for a weekend or something. Say you’re staying at a friends.”

“Yeah, but Dean,” Sam warned, “Please call or email me. You actually have contact with the outside world. Use it.”

Dean laughed. “Okay, Bitch, I’ll call you.”

Sam snorted. “Bye, Jerk.”

“Bye Sammy.”

He hung up the phone, one still attached to the wall, and padded into the dining room where Garth and Charlie were setting up dinner. Dean grabbed a set of forks out of her hands and began setting them out. He didn’t avoid the playful whack on the arm Charlie gave him for taking her job. He threw at her in response.

Dean turned his attention to Garth. “Thanks for letting me use your phone.”

“It was no problem,” he responded while lighting the centerpiece of three rainbow candles. “Dean, we thought that Charlie should take you out tonight to celebrate your new freedom.” Both Garth and Charlie grinned at the suggestion. “How would that be?”

“Sure,” Dean shrugged.

Benny entered behind him. “So, Brother, what do you want to do now?”

“Umm, Benny,” Garth cut in. He stopped lighting the candles. “He just made a very traumatic decision, and he’s still moving through things.”

“Well, I just thought that we could check out some schools in the city and I could-”

“He’s not ready,” Garth snapped. “Sweetie.”

Dean didn’t know if he was intruding on something by standing there while they fought. He turned to Charlie for help, but she seemed perfectly fine with it while she folded the napkins. When he gave her a questioning glance she shrugged and mouthed “Happens all the time.”

“You know, I am just asking a simple question,” Benny barked. “I’m not interrogating him-”

“Now we’re moving to that aggressive space again,” Garth remarked in the most patronizing tone he could muster.

“Can I even ask a question around here?”

Garth put his hand up in a defensive position. “Now I feel you’re moving into your victim stance. I was not attacking. I was _verbalizing_.” He sent a forced smile Benny’s way.

“I just feel like you don’t value my opinion anymore,” Benny grunted.

At this, Garth’s face fell and he rushed over to his husband. “No. I love my Benny Bear,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around him. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry, too.” Benny kissed the top of Garth’s head, which only went up to his neck. Dean adverted his gaze as he tried to finish setting up the table. Charlie was on the same page.

“Okay, then.” Garth turned to the two kids, grinning. “Dinner’s ready.”

\----------

Charlie’s idea of a fun night out was drinking at the Cocksucker. She apparently frequented the place most nights it was open. It was actually through the bar she heard about Garth and Benny’s. When Dean mentioned the campers had gone before, Charlie flipped out and kept berating herself for not coming that night. Dean shrugged it off, telling her it was fine and that Jo wouldn’t have been there anyway. Charlie was quiet after that.

He knew it was a low blow, but he was feeling too shitty to fully care. The Cocksucker held too many memories of Cas and him, and the subject was still too raw. He didn’t want to go anywhere near the bar. But Charlie was a headstrong fighter and proved able to always get her way.

Dean was sure that by this point in the night Charlie was regretting bringing him. The moment he entered the building he made a beeline for the bar and proceeded to sit there the entire night, nursing a series of beers in the hopes of getting drunk. Charlie, for everything she was worth, had sat beside him the whole time and tried to make the night enjoyable, cracking jokes and asking questions he deflected.

While Charlie was recapping a time when Kevin had gotten locked out of his room, naked, Dean’s eyes wandered over the dance floor when they stopped on a familiar figure. The guy who had asked him to dance that night, Aaron, maybe, was less than twenty feet away. His arms were wrapped around a tall man. For a moment their eyes met. Aaron shook his head slightly, as if saying, “you had the chance.”

Charlie must have noticed his focus on the dance floor and downcast expression. “We could dance, if you want,” she offered.

“You go ahead,” he muttered. “I think I need to go get some air.”

Before Charlie could respond he slid off the bar stool with bottle in hand and hurried towards the back exit. He found himself drawn to the same crate he had gone to that night with Cas. In pure exhaustion, he sat down on it.

It was only a minute or so before Charlie came to join him. She didn’t press him for anything, and the two sat in silence for a long time.

Finally Dean spoke. “I miss him,” he whispered. He really did. Everything reminded him of the boy, and there was no distraction for it. This wasn’t some crush he was going to get over in a few days. This was real heartbreak.

Charlie scooted closer so she was pressed against his side. “He’s scared and maybe he’s making the wrong choice, but it’s his wrong choice to make. You have to be willing to walk away.”

“What about you and Jo?” He asked.

She bristled against him. “Look, if she can’t make a stand, she just can’t make a stand.” She crossed her arms.

Dean began drumming his hands on his leg. “Well, what about you?” He turned to face Charlie. “What are you willing to do?”

Charlie didn’t answer him, but instead breathed out and leaned her head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her, and waited. They would find someway to fix this. Somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there's only one chapter left. See you next Saturday for it! Bye!


	13. Graduation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last Chapter. I just want to dedicate this to all the people who have commented on this fic, making my day each time: Shameless_J, Mollypr, you_assbutt, Anna, angels_rdvd64, and DragonLover143. You guys rock.

The morning of the True Directions graduation, Castiel adjusted his baby blue suit, stiff and constricting and plastic-like. Across town, Dean and Charlie had stolen Garth and Benny’s army uniforms, grabbed some backpacks, and snuck out to the black van parked in the front yard.

Dean had a miserable time at the Cocksucker, but the trip did put something into perspective. He wasn’t about to let Cas go without a fight. Charlie was more than happy to help, although Dean expected it was also about rescuing Jo. They were going to crash the graduation ceremony, grab Cas before anyone would notice, and drive off into the sunset. They just had to get a head start before Benny or Garth realized what they were up to.

It wasn’t that the men would be against the mission, but they would probably insist that it would be a hopeless cause and not worth their time. A part of Dean couldn’t help but think they were right. But he at least had to try.

“Give me the keys,” he hissed as they ran out to the van. She threw him the keys as she made it to the passenger side of the car. They hopped into the van as Dean started it up and got on the road. He couldn’t help the small smile spreading across his lips; he missed driving.

“Hope he’s worth it,” Charlie spoke.

“Is Jo?” he shot back.

Charlie let out a huff. “I’m doing this for you, not for Jo.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right.”

“Just keep your eyes on the road,” was her only response. Dean smirked, but kept his focus forward.

As they approached True Directions, Dean pulled off the road and hid the van behind a clump of trees. They didn’t need Dick or someone to find and remove them before they could achieve the mission. By the time they got to the camp, the most of the guests were already seated. The few well-dressed family members still milling about were congratulating whatever graduate they had come for.

Lines of cream-colored pews had been set up on the front yard, bisected by a wide center aisle. At the front was a white arbor with trellis on either side. On each trellis was the familiar True Directions logo, now stark white. In front of the structure stood a keyboard, podium, and table of trophies instead of diplomas for the graduates. Adjusting everything were Dick, Lilith, and Meg, all three matching the structure.

Dean and Charlie made a beeline for a large tree at the back of the event. They could spy on everything from the cover of the branches.

When they were in position, Charlie nudged him and pointed at the left group of the pew. Jo was adjusting her pink bodice, looking miserable. His eyes roamed to the other side. There, sitting in the back row, completely oblivious to Dean’s presence, was Cas. He was in one of the horrible suits and had a year’s supply of gel trying to control his hair and he was utterly miserable. It broke Dean’s heart.

“Welcome to the graduating class of True Directions,” Dick’s booming voice echoed over the lawn. Polite claps rang around him.

Dean had to act fast. He dropped to the ground and began crawling his way towards Cas, pulling Charlie with him.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present our happy heterosexuals!” Dick gestured to the five teenagers in the back. More applause sounded. Michael rose from his seat and made his way down the aisle, smiling proudly and nodding to his family. Anna came next, blushing like a schoolgirl and shyly waving. Balthazar had kept his smug persona as he walked down behind Anna. Dean finally reached the pews

As Cas walked past him, Dean grabbed his ankle and pulled him down to the ground. Cas fell with his entire weight on top of him, and his back hurt from hitting the hard ground, but Dean couldn’t stop smiling. He never thought he would see those beautiful bright eyes again.

“Jesus,” Cas breathed, his lips curling up into a grin.

“Miss me?”

“Why are you here?”

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s back. “I came to get you.”

For a moment Dean thought he had won, but Cas shook his head and pulled back. Both of their faces fell. “I can’t go anywhere, Dean.”

He stood up, brushed himself off, and continued down the aisle, stoic as ever.

Dean couldn’t move. He felt numb. Even after seeing Dean come back for him, Cas still didn’t want to go with him. Or he was still too afraid of disobeying his parents. Dean felt like crying. Hell, he really wanted to, but he just couldn’t. He was empty.

This couldn’t be it. This wouldn’t be it. Dean wasn’t going to let the best relationship he ever had end like this. They deserved a happily ever after.

When he finally regained control over his limbs, he crawled back to the tree. Behind it, Jo and Charlie were furiously making out. Jo was pushed up against the trunk. Neither one could keep their hands off the other. At least some one’s relationship was going well.

“That was fast,” he said drily. Charlie pulled away just enough to give him a sheepish smile and shrug, as if to say, “What can you do?” Jo’s arms were still around her. Charlie finally seemed to notice Dean had come back alone.

“Where’s Cas?”

Dean gazed over at the graduation, where Cas had joined the others in the front pews. “I gotta try again.”

It was then Dick noticed that Jo had disappeared. His eyes roamed the crowd until they fell on Dean. Shit. Dean shoved Charlie and took off towards the van. She and Jo were right behind him, clutching each others hands. Behind him Dick’s speech began.

“We are gathered here today to celebrate the wonderful True Directions. And praise be to our higher power.” More applause.

When they finally got back to the van, Dean chucked the keys at Charlie. “You and Jo get in the front and wait for me to give the signal.”

“We’re not leaving?” Jo asked.

Dean shook his head. “I’ve got an idea.”

Dean had gone through his suitcase at the last minute that morning, for a last minute idea. He had planned on showing Cas in private, but it might be his last shot at winning him back. The football pants were a bit harder to squeeze in than he remembered, but the jersey was just as comfortable as always. He missed the feel of cleats on his feet. He grabbed one last thing before going back to the graduation.

Dick had begun handing out trophies - small white statues of a man and woman holding hands on a glass base with ‘True Directions Graduate’ engraved underneath. He had just reached the back of the tree when Cas was called up. The boy solemnly got up from his seat, grabbed the trophy, and sat back down. He never looked up.

Dean had to get his attention. Without thinking too much about it, he held his arm back and chucked his football at Dick, successfully making contact with his head and forcing him to fall to the ground. He had wanted to do that for a while. Everyone turned to see who had thrown the ball, but Dean only cared that Cas looked back.

“Cas!” he called. And, finally, those blue eyes were on him. They looked so confused and yet warm. It seemed like he wanted to say something, but didn’t even know what. Instead he smiled, small and shy.

Dean was reminded of that night, only a few days ago, when they had sex, and when they had talked about football afterwards. Cas had said he wanted to see Dean play in his uniform. He also said he wanted something else, and Dean was about to show him.

“One, two, three, four. I won’t take ‘no’ anymore!”

He was waving in arms in stupid directions, trying to mimic the parts of their cheerleading’s team’s routines that he remembered. He felt ridiculous, punching the air and making ‘V’ and ‘L’ shapes, but it was okay. It was for Cas.

“Five, six, seven, eight. I want you to be my mate!”

The dorky smile had dropped from Cas’s face, and there instead was shock, but also something else unreadable. But he had to keep going, had to keep smiling because he had to show Cas how much he cared.

“One, two, three, four. You’re the one that I adore!”

Cas’s lips were slowly curling up. It wasn’t something cocky or fake, but it wasn’t one of the shy smiles Dean had grown to love in the past few weeks. It was a small grin, but Cas’s eyes _shined,_ and Dean was sure that Cas had never looked so proud of someone else in his entire life.

“Five six, seven, eight. Don’t run from me cause this is fate!”

He ended with his left hand making a fist in the air. Cas stood up, and Dean thought his heart was going to burst. Dick, the campers, everyone was gaping at him, but he couldn’t care. He only had eyes for Cas.

“I love you.”

And it was true. He loved Cas, and nothing anybody would ever do or say was going to change that.

Dick chose that moment to rush towards him. “Dean!” he screeched. Dean shot off towards the van as Dick marched after him, still screaming, “You stop it this instant, or you will wallow in the scum of your homosexual depravity for the rest of your life!”

His heart was pumping from the running and his breaths were coming out in short bursts. A sound erupted from his throat. Maybe he was laughing. Maybe he was crying. Maybe he was choking and would die right there on the lawn. Then at least he wouldn’t have to live with the knowledge that he had poured his heart out to Cas in vain.

But he made it back to the van and was able to jump into the back. “Charlie! Come on, let’s go!”

“Dean,” a low voice called out.

He turned around to see Cas running across the field, a beaming smile across his face. His tie was askew and suit jacket completely missing, but in Dean’s eyes Cas had never looked more beautiful.

Cas jumped inside the side door as the car roared to life. He tackled Dean, not wasting a moment before pressing his lips against Dean’s. His arms clutched Dean’s side, afraid that if he let go he would disappear. Dean was fine with the bruises that would probably appear the next day. His own hands roamed through Cas’s hair, trying to get it back to its normal state of messiness. So that he would be Cas again and not _Castiel_.

They fell back slightly as the van lurched forward, making them bump heads. That was it. Both dissolved into a fit of laughter. Because they were in the back of a van making out. Because Cas had just given up everything for Dean. Because they never had to see True Directors or Dick Roman ever again. Because they had no idea what they were going to do next, but they had each other. And that made every moment worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So thats the end. Well kinda. I might want to do a few one shots in this same 'verse. I haven't really decided yet, and I'm going to be doing a very long fic for the Deancas secret santa exchange. But it's definitely on the table. I have just made a verse for this fic, and you can subscribe to it if you would be interested in reading any one shots.
> 
> Thank you everyone for reading my longest fic to date. You all rock and I love you all.


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